Rewards for Clear Thinking

Yee-haw

2012-01-04T21:06:00.000-08:00

I swear I accidentally said, "yee-haw", eight hundred times today. We went for a scenic country drive today with the clients in one of our well-loved wheelchair-lift buses and some of those turns, dips and potholes just snuck up on us. I suggested we do a three-part harmony of, Everybody Hurts, but no one agreed. That was not the only great song to grace the radio waves today and for the most part Brooke B. was on board for random duets, but those were in the vein of Bonnie Raitt's Something To Talk About. Brooke is a self-proclaimed "red-neck" and calls me "flowerchild". The yee-haws, however, were solely mine, and the biggest one of all is this...

Tom and I signed a bunch of papers last night to finalize our offer and the sale is pending! We just have to do a million things (or so it seems) and pay for this and that and then, God-willing, that sucker's ours! Yes, we are poor. Yes, we needed my dad to do any of this and will be forever indebted to him, but, what else is new? We are so in love with this place and so, so fortunate to have the means (however untenable they feel) to go after it.

The other day when I was saying, "thank you" to my Dad for helping us so much he said, "You can thank God for that." And every time I tell anyone that I cry. I haven't let God give me much of anything lately but he still blesses those who desire to bless me, and I am reminded of when I was a kid and I used to sulk forever over some small hurt while those around me had fun and laughed and carried on in spite of me and I would feel left out and lonely and ultimately foolish for getting myself into that fix. When I got older I decided not to live that way anymore, and realized that no one holds it against you if you release your grudge and just come waltzing back into community with a smile on your face. But it is amazing how sinful habit persists despite all our revelations and gained wisdom. It lies just to one side of the narrow path, just a step away; so accessible and so treacherous.

It's funny that this is my big first-home-reveal post (oh me!) but it's reflective of the truth: charming and simple work life; muddled and emotional personal life; and OH MY GOSH we're getting a house!!! Yep, that just about sums it up. Don't worry about us. I will not say all is well, because that isn't quite right, but "all is well" wasn't getting us very far anyway.
I should add that as I finished that last sentence my phone rang and my little sister, Amelia, after confirming with me whether or not Lucrezia Borgia was a real person, told me that she and Jesse were selflessly jumping for joy when they heard we were buying a house, and added many other wonderful things that left me tearful and humbled. I'm sure there will be much humbling in my future as we set off into the world of home-ownership and strive to make ends meet. And while I can't honestly say I look forward to so much mortification and desperation I am wary of a future without it. Maybe this is a fault of mine. Well-spent time with tell.

Good night.

Grey Winter Mourning

2011-12-10T12:58:00.000-08:00

My life has changed in so many ways since last I wrote here; most significantly with the birth of my nephew, Luke. But closer to home (not away in Idaho, I mean) things have been shifting steadily. Much as usual our future is very unclear and our present is very precarious. There is not much about it that I want to talk about and when I envision doing so I see myself many, many years down the road looking back to this time of clear struggles - a blessing in their clarity - and also remarkable peace. In the uncomfortableness of my situation I understand that God has not given up on us; that he is here, pulling us through a keyhole to the other side of His promises because we are determined not to knock and enter through the door itself.

Our apartment is wonderful, but very messy today and often. Our first Christmas tree sits a few feet away from me where I sit on our bed and is blinking its multi-colored lights - lights we bought but couldn't afford and didn't need. They remind me that we are blessed, but also that we are careless and that it would be well for us to be squeezed tighter, bound longer in financial insecurity so that we may release our grip on this world and its trappings and embrace the riches God gives us freely.
He finds me here today, undone. And so you find me; hopefully to do some good through communicating feelings, revelations, joy and grief and remembering old things and recognizing new things through the telling.

I love you all and I want to be here for you, if only in some small way. I miss you - People, World - I'm coming back out of myself to be with you.

Life and Levi

2011-08-20T21:30:00.000-07:00

New pictures of my baby nephew. Is he still a baby when he looks like this and talks and does rodeos?... Yes? Yes! Yes, he is. I did not get sufficient time with him in his baby form so I'm saying it's still on! I mean, he's in a stroller, he's not potty trained, he enters through the doggy door (apparently) - I say that's puppy status.

Things have been pretty different around these parts. I'm too zapped of energy to say much about that... to do much more than watch Parks and Rec and Fringe and drink ice water, actually. It's been pretty warm and Tom's and my sleep schedule is all bejanxy - mostly thanks to Fringe which we watch late into the night. Today he's away on business. I managed to buy four great pairs of too-long jeans from Saint Vincent's today (then discovered a hole in my previously best pair - great timing). They're too long because for some reason Gap's Long and Lean are what works best for my short and stout figure. Don't look at me!
I'm almost officially a size larger than usual.
I blame the heat... maybe unduly.

I also bought a Michael Kors sweater and some grey sneakers. It was feeling very "back-to-school", which is my favorite feeling, or one of them. But this year it's "back-to-work". I'm excited. Bring it on! Bring on life in general, really. Things are lookin' good.
Including me. In my new jeans. I got honked at.

About 'A job'

2011-08-18T17:56:00.001-07:00

Well, I got that job.

A job

2011-08-15T13:02:00.000-07:00

Tom is taking over the apartment. Which is fine, but... where does that leave me?

I need to get a job.

Life as it should be

2011-08-12T12:43:00.000-07:00

This is our life now. Tom and I cannot believe our luck.

So much of my husband had disappeared, and all of a sudden it's back. Everything's different and like it should be. The good ol' days are back and better than ever.

Yes.

We're back

2011-08-11T19:16:00.000-07:00

We're back and everything is wonderful... except the state of the apartment but I'm sort of working on that.

By the way, isn't Scarlet the cutest? Looks like she got a new outfit.

Tom's been home most of the day, well-rested and happy. Wha?!
Suzanne is coming tomorrow for one night.
I think it's too darn hot around here but I think I'm in the minority (as usual).
There are some pictures from Seattle, but very few. I was just not in the mood for photography.
I'm so happy to be home: watching our shows, sleeping in our bed and drinking our tea (at all hours). I'm such an oldster already; but it's the simple things in life, my friend.

I'm getting back to my good-looking, funny, sweet and currently cooking husband. Yes.

Beginning the journey

2011-08-04T12:22:00.000-07:00

I'm not exactly sure what to expect of this wedding but given that these are the main players I can tell it's going to be beautiful.

Tom and I had such a wonderful time with this group of people last summer at Audrey and Matt's wedding and I've been dying to get back to Seattle since then.

We will be checking out from reality for 6 days, and probably spending the last of any money we have. But I'm not worried about that. We need this and it's going to be so great.

Speaking of which, this is a photo of Hans and Jamie at Audrey and Matt's wedding last year.

Just waiting their turn, looking into their future. I'm crying already. Oh no.

Congratulations, Matt and Audrey for a year of marriage! I can't wait to see you all.

Tom, I can't wait to see you either.

Sometimes it hard to be a woman

2011-08-03T19:33:00.000-07:00

I've got so much to do and am feeling so not good.

Somebody bring me a fat, rare steak and wake me up when I'm in Seattle... or Portland, I wanna go there first.

Uh. Laundry. It waits for me. And scrubbing the kitchen, and scrubbing Shorty's tank.

I don't want to pack. I want to flush all the outfits I tried on today. I'll just bring jeans and some t-shirts and wear them in the car and to the wedding and everything.

I hate the color I painted my toes. I should have gone with my usual "Matte Stone". Now I have shiny red toe nails and feel silly. "Dark Brown"? No, I don't think so. That's not what I see.

Why? Why do things go this way?

Life is never normal

2011-08-03T16:13:00.000-07:00

It's like he's moved back in or something - I don't know where I'm going to put all the stuff formerly kept in his "office".

I kept thinking yesterday was Sunday because he was here. I didn't get anything done. We watched Moon, Lincoln Lawyer, Source Code and went to the theater to see Thor. This isn't what life is going to be like all the time... I don't think.

Today felt more normal, he left for Portland early and will get home late. He has to get in as much work as he can before our six day trip to Seattle (starting tomorrow!). Our honeymoon was only three days. We're really excited about this.

I hope we get along. We've had so little practice the past three years.

... This is all too weird.

Getting Tom back

2011-08-01T15:16:00.000-07:00

Niece and Uncle

2011-07-29T22:48:00.000-07:00

They melt my heart.

They vaporize it.

Uncle! Uncle. I can't take anymore.

We're going to have to get one of these for keeps.

Nothin' doin'

2011-07-28T17:08:00.000-07:00

I cannot stop watching ThirtySomething. A quote from Ben Katz comes to mind: "I don't go too far with it. I stop when it's done."
But the second soup of the day is simmering away on the stove, the first is cooling in the freezer and cooling in my belly. And I'm working on finishing Lane's photo album: typing up dates and sticking corners blank pages; arranging the pictures for maximum impact. It's not a complete waste of an afternoon.

And - phew! - the fish store is open for another hour and a half. I hope they have what Shorty eats.

This is a real summer vacation, my friends.

Tu es belle

2011-07-27T16:03:00.000-07:00

The girl in the new little French tank top I got her. She looked adorable in everything we got her and pulled each item out of the box individually, held it to her chest, and gave us a huge smile like she loved it! Every time. She is the sweetest.

Get ready

2011-07-27T09:43:00.000-07:00

The bad auntie I am I didn't charge the battery on my camera in time to take it to my darling's first birthday. (Oh and, Jordan, I forgot to send you those American Girl books for yours!) If there is any excuse for this neglect it is that I got five new nieces and nephews in one year and it was a bit of a shock to my system. These years are just going by too fast. That's what it is! Birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday, birthday, Christmas. And that's not including my husband, my best friend, my four sisters and four parents... whom I already need to shop for, call, etc.

I am just not that organized.

All that is to say that the pictures and videos from the day are trapped on Tom's new phone until such time as he is home for more than two seconds and I can download them onto the computer. I just wanted to mention it because I saw them all last night in bed and they made me die a little from happiness. I can't wait to share them.

Scarstruck

2011-07-25T12:32:00.000-07:00

Hmmm... have I forgotten something in the excitement of seeing my wonderful family yesterday?

Oh, that's right! I forgot to write a post to say: HAPPY 1st BIRTHDAY, SCARLET ANNE!

I love you. I love that your hair hasn't change or grown since the day you were born. I love that you are such a ham and love the attention that we more than happily will lavish upon you your whole life! I love that you look just like your mother! (And a little like your father and your brother). I love the way you wear your clothes. I love the way you kiss my face. I love how sweet you are to everyone (especially your mommy and your daddy and your brothers) the way I know you'll always be.

I miss you so much already, my little love, my little 1-year-old. Hap Birf Day.

My greatest love, my greatest weakness

2011-07-22T14:55:00.000-07:00

My phone rang in the other room and, hallelujah! It was Tom calling. My world brightened. I instantly shrugged off every saturnine feeling. It occurred to me that it wasn't the over-sized sweatshirt that hung so heavily around my shoulders, making me feel listless on a sunny afternoon; It had been his absence that was weighing me down. I would experience wholeness for a few seconds, maybe minutes. He was calling me.
And his message was: "Come outside." He was here.

A 24-foot truck was idling across the street. He was leaving soon; this was only a momentary lapse in reality. But I would hang on to it, hang on to him as I would an exquisite feeling in the dissolution of a good dream. I would defy logic and evidence and history. I would try. He would leave, but not for my lack of trying. He would literally slip through my fingers again but I would hold on to the memory. Until that memory faded and became just an idea. And then, though I'd think better of it, that idea would consume a part of me.

Now I'm sitting here eating dry cereal one flake at a time. There is no milk. My energy and attention are gone, I guess that they have retreated to that part of me that meditates on impossibilities. Maybe I can get them out or maybe that part of me has expanded into something like a blackhole and my allotted usefulness for now has become irretrievable.

I watched Tom climb into his truck and drive away. I savored the moment. In a little over a week he will do this for the last time and I will most likely not be there to see it. I liked seeing him do this. He looked powerful and capable, and he is. He doesn't show the lack of rest or lack of life. He retains his poise while I fall apart. "You poor girl," he said as he held me last night, as I sobbed into his chest for missing him.
When everything is emotion joy and sorrow are right beside one another and sometimes I don't know which it is I'm feeling, and both are searing and overwhelming. And then there is now, when I've laid aside Tom's sweatshirt and the weight is still there and I know that I am languishing but I keep eating one flake at a time, typing one word at a time, counting down the seconds.

Coffee talk

2011-07-22T11:07:00.000-07:00

I was extremely thankful for this rug this morning when with a generous mouthful of my first cup of coffee I realized it was hot... really hot... way, way too hot, and spewed it out onto the ground for the sake of my mouth flesh. When I came back in the room with a towel I couldn't even find where the coffee'd gone.
I have just a few more things to say about this.

1. The idea of putting something really cold on a burn to stop it from continuing to burn sounds logical enough to me, but in practice I don't feel it works. I feel like it traumatizes the skin all over again. I feel like something cool or room-temperature feels better and in the end causes less damage. But, please, if badly burned don't listen to me. But, I do burn my mouth a lot. I like things hot, have deceptively tough hands and am very impatient when it comes to eating. And, yes, I am still recovering from a previous mouth-burn this morning.

2. This rug, which we got for free from someone who knows someone, was actually a display with a big swath cut out of it that we hide under the bed.

3. Those shoes no longer fit me. What's the deal with that? Tom and I seem to have both grown a shoe size recently. It must be something in the water here.
I really like those shoes.

I had a dream about my Grandmother (who died some years ago) this morning. It was nice, but ultimately hindered by the fact that in the dream I had head lice. At one point I think my consciousness broke in and told me, "You don't really have lice; enjoy this." That kind of worked. Though I think I argued with my consciousness a little thinking, "Are you sure I don't have lice? They're tiny! We don't know!"
I was reading last night in Genesis about Joseph and his dream interpretations. But let's not analyze this one.

That's all the time we have; I'll leave you with this thought:
Linda Richman is both rich and a man. Discuss.

Because they're so much more to me

2011-07-21T12:10:00.000-07:00

The other night when Tom was home (I cannot imagine what night that must have been) I put in To Catch a Thief and started it right before the masquerade ball. Tom passed through the room on his way to get something he needed for whatever he was busy with in the office.

"I thought you didn't like that movie," he said.

"I just want to see the end."

We had watched all but that the night before when Tom had chosen it thinking I was going to fall asleep sooner. I am all for giving movies a second chance (except some, like Blood Diamond); I have come to appreciate so much more about movies, about everything, in my fully-formed adulthood. Tom probably has more than a little to do with that.

But by the time the credits were up, really by the time I had fallen asleep the night before, I had realized...

I really hate that movie.

I am not a "hater" in general. I don't blanket hate. Though TCaT and North by Northwest make me gag I'll raise a glass to Hitchcock anytime! And to Cary Grant, and even to Grace Kelly. Dial M for Murder is one I loved since childhood and will love forever. Rear Window I haven't seen in an age but I couldn't get enough of it as a kid.

And, thanks to Tom, we have or have seen about every movie Cary Grant has ever done. Though I recently discovered my love for Charade, and still laugh out loud when I watch Bringing Up Baby, I really prefer Grant in a serious role, or at least one in which he's more likely to slap a woman, serious or no. Give me Grant with some intensity! That's what I say. In which case the best of his best you'll ever find is Hitchcock's Notorious.

This is one my mom would watch when I was little and I wouldn't understand and so would be bored and so would go find something better to do ("better" is often relative). The first few minutes of that movie are so familiar to me. Recently, though, Tom bought it and we watched it together: all of it. Now it sits somewhere near the top of my favorite movies.

It doesn't hurt that shortly after that I watched Casablanca for the first time (I know!) and now my mind is full of love and excitement for the glorious Ingrid Bergman/Claude Rains fabulous movie extravaganza that was those few days.

Notorious is one of those movies that I couldn't wait to watch again immediately after being finished (I still remember seeing Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind in the theater with Lane and leaning over somewhere near the beginning of the movie to whisper, "We should see this again.")

Some movies just give you a great feeling and you want to make it happen as much as possible, though you fear more than anything overdoing it and ruining all chance of that feeling again. For example, I have been considering watching Moonstruck (which I have memorized) for months now but held off, held off, held off, for the sake of myself and the movie. Then night before last, when Tom had to stay the night in Poos Bay and I was staying over at Lane's for company, we watched it.

So happy was I about that wonderful movie and the wonderful way it makes me feel that that night, which could have been one of the worst, is now a sweet memory for me.

So, I haven't watched Notorious again, but I keep replaying Cary Grant (giving what I'm willing to claim is his best performance ever) pressing his face against Bergman's. Oh how I love that all the movie posters depict this! I'm not the only one who feels just how intoxicating that was.

I replay Grant's brooding; Bergman's pathetic expressions of helpless disappointment and shame; and I replay Rains slowly mounting those steps...

I love that movie.

my thoughts go out to you, my Immortal Beloved

2011-07-20T14:43:00.000-07:00

I love this headshot of Tom's.

Ever a lady killer this one.

He comes home to me from a night apart this evening. I am dying to see him. I can't wait until he's done with this job... So close.

Papa's got a brand new bag

2011-07-18T21:31:00.000-07:00

It's finally happening: Tom has a new job.
And while the new is so thrilling, it's really leaving the old that is such a miracle.

It makes so much sense now that it would happen this way but still I cannot believe it has happened.

Everything's going to change. I'm so ready.

A little bit of everything, all at once

2011-07-18T12:53:00.000-07:00

There is so much changing around here, so fast. It's amazing. Tom and I could feel a change coming. We said we could just feel God moving, we could feel something about to happen, about to change. And now it has. Multiple things have changed and are changing, just like we thought.

I don't want to jump the gun, because not everything is nailed down. So for now I am praying; I am reading through Matthew, slowly and deliberately; I am making cookie brittle to try to express a sliver of the gratitude I feel for the men that kill themselves for my husband every day (really, every day); I am enjoying my husband, so much;

and I am looking forward to seeing this angel and her first first birthday gift: Cheeto. Scarlet turns one on Sunday and I cannot believe it. But despite only having seen her a handful of times in her rapidly lengthening life her face already looks so familiar to me, like I've known her for 23 years. And this is my new favorite picture.

Aaah... life is so good, so sweet. I am so well taken care of it's ridiculous. Which makes me wonder what all I should be doing. With all of these provisions I'm surely not meant to be holed up in my apartment watching the clock. Life beckons.

"Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light." (Matt. 11:29)
"Freely you have received, freely give." (Matt. 10:8)

Your Own Disaster

2011-07-16T12:06:00.000-07:00

Today everything must find it's place. The above is an old photo and thankfully most everything in it has found it's place (an thankfully most of their places were outside of this apartment) but, nevertheless, this place (and this marriage) is a never-ending lesson in organization on a limited budget and limited space.

Today is the day. Everything must have a spot after today. I'm going crazy. Plus I feel like I'm coming off an unproductive streak and I could use a win.

So, pinch yourself, Apartment, this is really happening.

I think some Taking Back Sunday, some Yeah Yeah Yeahs, and a little Bat For Lashes (for book shelving and that sort of thing) are in order.
Today is nice and cool and rainy, Lane's out of town, and Tom is working and I'm going to make the most of all of it. It may not be my dream apartment when I'm finished, but I do love this place, and it deserves a little more.

Facing off

2011-07-15T14:38:00.000-07:00

"IT ALL ENDS"?

Isn't that sad? Isn't that insane? Isn't it an end of an era? Yes. Yes! Emphatically, yes!

But,

today, yesterday, days before then, it has failed to move me.

I just want my husband!

The blur in my kitchen; the pile of clothes on the chair; the source of texts that tell me how much I'm loved and how much longer (and longer) I'll be alone; the thing that makes me smile in my sleep but leaves me without a memory of kisses and touches: this is what he too often is to me these days.

And we have no plans to celebrate the day we can't believe has finally come: we don't make plans.

And I've gotten used to it all and I'm fine and I don't mean to wallow.

But I can't get excited about Harry Potter. Not while Tom is out there. Not until we celebrate what is far more important, more exciting and more epic, to us.

And I'll wait in my solitary queue as long as I have to.

Matthew 6:19-34

2011-07-13T12:38:00.001-07:00

"Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

The eye is the lamp of the body. So, if your eye is healthy, your whole body will be full of light, but if your eye is bad, you whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light in you is darkness, how great is the darkness!

No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and money.

Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat of what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to the span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the Gentiles seek after all these things, adn your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."

Amen.

I'm so rarely bored

2011-07-13T10:45:00.000-07:00

Last night and today I have been listening to this:

...and wanting this:

They are each so good in their own ways and I love them both. The great news is that Tom does too, at least, he loves the movie, and so soon it shall be ours!

I'm not sure how he feels about the CD, but he's the one who bought it for me.

Last night Lane and I had a delirious game of Trivial Pursuit until Tom came home at midnight. I think the consensus was that we tied because although Lane had more pie pieces she recalled that one was gained by cheating and in the lightening round (a thing we've made up) we both scored 2 points. Which, in a game of TP with Lane and I, seems to be the only number of points you can score at any given time. (And it should be noted that these points don't affect the game.) We also introduced the new features: phone a friend (which I used with great success - Bless you, Tom, for being so into Ducktales), ask the audience (in which we just ask the other person before that person has looked at the answer) and 50/50. This last option was a little hard to pull off. If you chose it you would get the real answer and another one that the questioner made up and you would have to decide between them. When Lane used her 50/50 I chose to write the options down because I was sure I'd give it away with my tone of voice. I was thrilled when she chose my fake answer! Because then it was my turn.

Trivial Pursuit is so fun to play with Lane because we're pretty much a match for 30-year-old trivia. But we have different specialties: Lane, the world traveler, likes blue; Dinah, the stay-at-homer, likes brown. We both think green equally easy and yellow, equally hard. And we both hate pink and orange so much and acknowledge them to be so pointless that we read pink as blue and orange as brown and have way more fun because of it.

Gosh, I wish we were playing right now! (I've been a little bored today.)

Since I seem to have so time on my hands (though I'm sure there are things I must be doing) here are some pictures I haven't yet put up of the church baby shower I attended recently for my friend Becky.

She was lovely, it was a sweet day with great food and, as you see, the "babies" were out and adorable as ever.

Congratulations, Becky! I can't wait for you to add another one to the pile.

Thinking of Benjamin Button-ing myself

2011-07-12T12:16:00.000-07:00

I don't know if you know this about me (hopefully it's not too obvious) but I am absolutely inspired by children's clothes. I love them when they are simple to the core but in their proportions oh so sweet. I long for the perfect skin and the soft hair, the-get-up-in-the-morning-and-look-adorable thing babies have going on. But I'll settle for the soft, breathable fabric next to my skin that they, by their very nature, seem to insist upon.

Who cares about sex appeal? Give me sweet comfort. Give me the practicality of the sweet creatures who have better things to do than strike a pose.

I love these old pictures from LucysPlace and I'd trade in my wardrobe if they had these in my size.

Wouldn't you?

Too cute for words...

2011-07-11T16:33:00.000-07:00

so here's some pictures.

Thank you, Davina and Kyle, for sharing the wealth.

My own treasure is headed home any minute.

What a wonderful day.

What's happening here

2011-07-11T11:10:00.000-07:00

I will be watching one half of the "P children" (as I now call them) today. This time at my place. Eh? This is always fun because I get to see how children fit into my life. It's informative and exciting: "OK, they're going to break that," "They don't think that toy is fun," "I can vacuum while they're in the room," and "It is fun for them to come to get the mail and the laundry," etc.

I love playing house.

And I love these kids.

Callen Ernest and his little big head

2011-07-08T12:08:00.000-07:00

A photo I keep returning to. That round head; that industrious little mind, ever intent on the problem at hand. This kid really brightens my day. He takes after his mother in that way.

On seeing Lisha

2011-07-06T19:28:00.001-07:00

Today I took the early-morning Greyhound up to Corvallis to see my best friend from college Alicia, or as I always call her: Lish. (And she calls me D. And we did not plan that.)

These pictures aren't from today, we were too busy staying hydrated and finding bathrooms today to take any pictures.

Oh, yeah, and catching up before she moves to California for maybe the rest of her life.

These are from when she came to visit at the old apartment but the idea is the same.

We love each other.

I also must post this picture from my wedding, because I love it. Can you even stand how sweet she and my Grandpa look listening to whatever I'm saying? Uh! I love the people in my life.

Lish has been so busy with graduate school and her very-long-distance boyfriend and it was great to have breakfast and lunch together and just talk about whatever. It was a lot like old times, except now when we talk about "boys" we talk about houses, babies, communication, etc. I love that our relationship has grown up with us and that we'll be friends forever.

Despite rarely seeing her when she was 45 minutes away I will miss her more when she moves to California and my hope of seeing her is all but gone. But there is always the future, when we'll do vacations out-of-state and our kids will play together. (You better believe I dreamed about babies as I napped on the ride back to Eugene.)

I've got good friends. And good times ahead.

Congratulations, Lish. I hope California is better than ever this time!

I am not feeling great today

2011-07-05T14:40:00.000-07:00

Too much fun in the sun, and whatever was causing Tom's glands to swell, have got me hiding away in my apartment: pressing cool objects to my skin, sipping coffee and tea (anti-headache, anti-inflammation, urgent matters... I'll move on to water soon, I promise) and sorting through photos, both mine and Lane's, as I promised to fix up her dilapidated albums (I'm loving going through her things for the big down-size into a studio). (Wow; was that a sentence?)

Last night I stayed up very late waiting for Tom to come home, and then leave again a couple hours later. I had to sleep in until 11 in order to get enough rest, and it's a good thing I did since I need to fight of the sore throat that began developing last night and to heal this sunburn I didn't realize was coming on.

I am home for the first day in much longer than I'm used to and it isn't the productive experience I was hoping for.

But I have a few small goals for myself and I can allow myself this break as I've got an early-morning bus ride to Corvallis tomorrow and good day of physical labor after that.

Are you taking care of yourself? Sun and sickness take no prisoners... well, actually, they do, but that doesn't really sound great either.

The Fourth of July

2011-07-05T00:41:00.000-07:00

I had a great day today. I woke up 8... then at 8:30, then at 9 then at 9:30. Tom didn't have to be to work until noon and I cannot tell you how amazing it was to lay in bed pushing snooze wrapped up in everything I've ever wanted with the sweet smell of my lily-dotted white iris bouquet coming from the other room.

We eventually got out of bed when my bladder was about to burst but returned with coffee in hand to watch an episode of Dr. Katz - our favorite cartoon.

Around 11 Lane arrived to pick me up for our trip to the river and we sat around for awhile drinking coffee and inhaling that wonderful lily aroma while Tom joked with us from the other room as he got ready for work.

Lane and I found a beautiful spot full of friendly people, and dogs, and what looked to be a crawdad (really?) and dragonflies, and what looked to be swallows, and a few hawks and a bald eagle (which was really pretty incredible).

We swam a little, but mostly we sat on the shore talking about things we needed to talk about and getting burnt by the sun and marveling at the birds.

Afterward we considered a movie at the Bijou but were too worried about being depressed and late for fireworks and settled on a donut instead.

It was a great choice, I've wanted another one all night.

We also went grocery shopping for what was for me the first time in way too long. I have missed being home and doing laundry and taking care of things and filling my basket painfully full with vegetables and bread and (oh darn! I forgot more coffee) meat made me feel like I was back on the right track. And it made me really excited to eat!

In the interim before fireworks we spent our time in Lane's garden eating strawberries and picking fava beans (which were too small but still delicious).

Then I changed into my soft new sweater and powdered my sun-burnt cheeks but couldn't resist going back out into the garden and trimming the rose bushes while Lane took a shower.

I cannot wait to have a yard.

We met up with our friends at 8:30 on a church lawn with great views of a fireworks show and some private illegals. Everyone set off their own firecrackers in the parking lot before it got dark enough for the rodeo to set off theirs. Baby Callen held his first sparkler tonight but he had much more fun shoving his snack cup on my face and giggling through the resultant Darth Vader voice that I would have repeated a million times just to make him happy.

After the show Lane and I went back to her house and toasted our freedom with a tiny bottle of Prosecco.

Then I kicked her butt at Rummy.

Tom has been working all night. I'm about to jump in the shower. He will be here soon for an hour or so before going back off to work until sometime tomorrow.

We miss each other so much.

Today was a good day, and more special than I think I realized while I was living it. Though, I was happy living it.

The moon is beautiful tonight.

Happy fifth of July.

Life now

2011-07-01T12:35:00.000-07:00

This morning as I made the rounds of my virtual beat I wondered suddenly why I had started my blog. Was it because I got married and wanted to share my new life with friends and family and strangers, to inform them and inspire them and make them feel close?

I don't think it was. As I looked through some of my old post I realize why I did started my blog. It's because that same month that I got married, and a new part of my life unfolded before me - full of beauty and excitement and so much emotion and drama - I also went back to school.

My posts seem to have come spilling out the backdoor of my mind while an intellectual discussion raged in the foyer; always on the edge of flight, rarely committing itself to the inner chambers where, anyway, each room was already taken by some passion, kind or cruel, or by some lonely, brooding, or simply pining, soul.

My entries have been purges, sometimes emotional and more interesting, sometimes mental and insubstantial: the dregs of the cerebral barrel (there's some nice imagery) that I nonetheless relish languishing in, easily contented as I can be.

This analysis is not going to be followed by some grand plan or revelation; like so much of my blog, it just is.

Though, I am curious to see, now that my school days are over, and my newlywed days are over (but don't feel sad for us, it's better and more thrilling than ever somehow) what will become of my life and, subsequently, my blog. Now that the rooms of my mind are airing out I'm pausing to consider what occasion is on the horizon; who I will entertain next, and when.

It is a little intimidating but I know I can't continue this way forever. This is only a season in my life and it is feeling shorter everyday.

My muscles are coiling to spring, I just wish I knew where I'd be landing.

But I know it's somewhere better. I have no need to worry.

Hair again

2011-06-30T16:25:00.000-07:00

I want more hair. I'm missing my beefy Ariel bangs right now. I know it was my frustration with my voluminous hair that caused me to cut it off in the first place but I'm missing... hair.

The grass is greener, my friends, in this picture and others I've come across today.

I'm looking forward to the day when I have a little more to work with. Until that day I'll just keep running my fingers through Tom's longer locks every chance I get.

More pictures from my future

2011-06-29T21:54:00.000-07:00

Here are more pictures of my time with the Parker and Perret children. These were from Thursday, our first day together as a little make-shift family.

I was so great. Four might just be the perfect number and, wouldn't you know it? Tom agrees.

Last night I luxuriated in my Lush Pop In The Bath bubble bar: part of a gift I was given in thanks for watching the kids. It was pretty fun sitting in pink scented bubbles, sipping sparkling water and listening to a book on tape. But honestly, I rarely have the patience for such things and am probably more contentedly occupied doing some chore while keeping my ears open for the sound of tears or fighting and even, occasionally, the sweet sound of kind words and laughter.

I look forward to having 1, 2 and 3 kids as well. And I am remembering to enjoy this time with just Tom and me (though it's more frequently just me).

But I'm still dreaming the dream, 'cause it's a good one.

The plan

2011-06-29T13:24:00.000-07:00

I recently read the 10-year plan of a blogger I keep up with who’s now taking a little break from her paying job to get her life in order. As I’m on a break as well it got me thinking about my 10-year plan. As much as Tom and I have no idea what we’ll be doing a year from now there are some goals we have in mind and I thought writing them down might give me a more directed and hopeful outlook, at least for today. Then I thought, hmmm… this list is pretty boring and obvious: Have children, have a house, Tom having a fulfilling career, investment in our church and family… See what I mean? These are already on our mind all the time. Though I’m plenty directed and hopeful I’m not more directed, nor hopeful.

So let’s look at a 1-year plan. Eeps! I just got chills as I wrote that, and now I have a funny feeling in my stomach not helped by my coffee for breakfast. Wow! This list is already a lot more exciting. And I haven’t even started it yet. OK, here goes.

Between now and July 2012 I plan to…

Begin writing to my missionary friends regularly, and to my grandpa and grandma. That is only four people and my plan is a letter once a month with extra letters as necessary. This plan is so doable it’s ridiculous and I concocted it months ago and yet… no letters. I have some block about it, the same kind of block I get when I plan to read my bible daily. I need to get past the block: to push off from the shore and start swimming (that’s how it feels). Maybe I could excuse not wanting to read and write before because of school but I am well on from those days now – nearly a month away – and my desire to write has, obviously, returned.

Read my bible everyday. Everything, everything is better when I do this. There is no reason not to. Push off. Swim.

Start and make successful an Etsy store with Becky, the expectant mother. A woman (I am always thrown when I use that word for someone younger than I am) from my church is expecting her first, unexpected, baby. She needs an income due to her husband’s career situation and we want to keep her at home. This is a cause I really believe in, and it could be so fun, educational and profitable. I will be selling vintage clothing (a dream of mine) alongside her hand-made from vintage-material blouses. It could be so great and help so much. I want to work hard at this.

Make moves in the house-buying direction. Sound vague? It is. I don’t want to set my sights too high, especially since I love it here in my little apartment with our gorgeous, huge tree, our nearly floor-to-ceiling windows, our convenient location, our landlord fixing plumbing problems and the memories we’ve made in the year + we’ve lived here. But Tom and I long to have household projects and a yard to work on and work in and no amount of cleanliness and ease can substitute the good, hard work of owning a little dump that all our own. Once we get our ducks in a row, round up paperwork, etc. I am going to talk to a loan officer about what we can afford, if anything and then we’ll see what comes to us in the area. I have my eye on a tiny, tiny house several blocks away. But I always have my eye on something. That’s just how I like to daydream.

Become pregnant. I don’t know if I can put this down. It seems very out of our control. But I cannot deny that I will be planning for this, and have been already. Though, I am taking a few steps back. I don’t want to get ahead of God’s plan for us. I’m gradually giving away things I’ve saved that aren’t too sentimental knowing that when it does happen 9 months will be plenty of time to plan for a family that has been planning all their lives and plans not to plan much anyway. We won’t have to find a new apartment; I won’t have a job I can’t leave; the child will be clothed, fed, changed and loved on to its heart’s content. It will never cry. At least, this is how it seems now. There isn’t much to plan. We only need to grow ever closer to God and to each other and patiently wait, and we will be ready.

See all of the family that we can. I recently realized we have a genius system for this:

Christmas with Tom’s mom, stepfather and sister, as we’ve been doing since before we were married.

Late Spring/Early Summer with my mom and some sisters. There has always been some cause for this: Brooke’s wedding, our wedding (though that was September), Suzanne’s wedding, Scarlet’s birth, my graduation and next year? Another birth? We’ll have to think of something.

Late Summer: Seattle with Tom’s father’s side of the family. They all live up there and we went (for my first time) last year for cousin Audrey’s wedding. I now adore Seattle and can’t wait for August when we’ll be going for cousin Han’s nuptials. There are three more unmarried cousins but despite what they may decide to do I think we should go up there every summer for the rest of our lives. We’re the type of geese that fly north. Give me those grey skies and salty air!

Finally, we have Thanksgiving with my dad and sisters, brothers-in-law, nieces and nephews, and grandpa, if he’s willing (and he’d better be!).

Isn’t that the best plan you’ve ever heard of? It makes me love my life even more.

Reconnect with The Pearl Buck Center. I don’t know what this means. I don’t know if I’ll volunteer regularly or sporadically or apply for a job but I miss it and not only the people. I miss the regularity of it. I miss waking up and having a schedule and doing purposeful work from this time until that time and heading home on the bus wondering how it is that the time goes by faster every day. I would like a job there, I would like more control, but I am not ready just yet, I’m really not. Tom has encouraged me and I have considered it and in ways longed for it but I’m not ready yet. I need more time. I have a sense of having unfinished business in my personal life. But I need to make good use of this time as a free agent so that I don’t wait forever.

Paint the bathroom and re-caulk the shower. I’ve decided that even if we buy a house next month I want to invest in some little things around the apartment. I want that sense of accomplishment, and I want the work. Its good work and it will benefit us and possibly others. I’ve started the painstaking re-caulking and will do more today. Then it’s off to the hardware store for all the fixin’s. I’m excited.

Finish refurbishing the furniture I started on last summer. Yeah. Time, hard work, you get the idea...

Cook and bake a lot more. This fell off with the busy-ness of last term and I miss it. I don't even enjoy eating out as much because it's less of a special event. I'm tired of feeding Tom spaghetti and eggs and other cop-out meals (although they are awesome) every night. I also am tired of sending him off to work with no food and imagining what he must be eating and what it must be costing us to poison his hard-working body. I want to improve my talent, my knowledge and my efficiency in the kitchen. I think it is so worthwhile, and honestly, dreamy. I love sitting and imagining a life of kitchen proficiency. Not necessarily soufflés or anything, just mounds of incredible salads and fresh-baked bread. Mmmm. Yes! Yes, please!

Convince everyone that babysitting should be done at my place and then make my place babysitting heaven. I love having kids in my life. Oh my gosh, so much! And I love picking up fun things that I think kids would love but then no one comes to play with them.

I want to help out parents who need time for this or that. But I don’t super-love running around town on foot and on the bus getting to such-and-such place at such-and-such time and leaving all my home projects abandoned, and I don’t super-love being in someone else’s space. Sometimes its fun, but I get bored of being away from home. I loved watching Baby E regularly at my old apartment, even though that place was a hole.

It would be incredible to do daycare for a living, but I don’t want to bite off more than I can chew. This would be good for now. Just drop off your baby in a basket at my doorstep, they’ll be well looked after.

Love my husband and my best friend better. I want to do this with everyone. But they are the two people I am closest with in my life and a good place to start. I want them to have complete confidence in my love for them and my devotion to them. I want them to feel that they can tell me anything (though, guys, you don’t have to tell me everything). I want to help them to be the people that God wants them to be and encourage them in every good thing. I don’t want to worry about them or cause them to worry. I want to make them good food and tell them good stories and to make them know that they are beautiful, hilarious, sweet and endlessly interesting hard-workers – but that even if they weren’t I would still love them. I want them to know without me putting words to it how much I appreciate them.

Hopefully I will achieve this by July 2012 and then, like I said, you’re next.

There are 12 things for twelve months, reaching well into 2012; a list of things I feel I can and should accomplish and a list that doesn’t make me panic when reading over it.

In fact, it’s a list that gives me a thrill.

New shirt

2011-06-28T23:30:00.001-07:00

I went shopping again today at the thrift store and got some great 80's-tight sweatpants and soft shirts to kick it around the house in. I was noticing as I reconfigured our drawer situation last night that I was lacking in the cozy shirt department having donated a lot of my high school-old t-shirts that I was sick of the sight of. Tom's collection, on the other hand, was the main reason re-configuring was necessary. I've got a pile of clothes I thought he should get rid of but, eh, he's not doing that.

Here are a couple pictures of my latest Etsy buy. It's super soft and fits like a charm.

11 dollars well spent! I wish everything on my wishlist were 11 bucks - like this and these - I could do with some more light-weight outfits to prance around in.

Actually today was rainy and I wore black, but that can't last forever.

Today was unproductive home-wise but otherwise good. Babysitting, shopping, lots of 30Rock with Lane and now Harry Potter and grilled cheese once Tom gets home (after midnight).

I'm drinking peppermint tea and trying to stay awake. The tea is not helping my cause but, man, it's good. I hear his footsteps on the stairs. Gotta jam.

Happy Mornings

2011-06-28T16:10:00.000-07:00

He amazes me.

Despite his chronic lack of sleep Tom would love to wake up this way every morning before heading off to work.

Yesterday

2011-06-27T10:26:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I checked my mail (and fed my fish) for the first time in 3 days.

I had a card and gift from my Grandmother in California; this shirt:

and a letter letting me know that I do indeed get my diploma! I've done it!

Sunday was a day of tired and hormonal ups and downs. We were in the nursery at church and entertained Kate, John Spencer, Jacey and Callen with seemingly endless Thomas the Tank Engine tales and Raffi songs. It was childhood classic down there.

John Spencer sat on my lap and let me kiss him all over his neck in front of his mom. It's a big deal because John Spencer usually sobs and screams around me if his parents are anywhere in the vicinity and I'm not sure why. But if we are alone he is pretty much my best friend and lets me dole out the affection as much as I want (which is a lot). If he is at my house he's even better about this, if he's at church he's usually worse. So yesterday was a big win and I don't have much more time for those as he's moving to Canada in a matter of months.

But let's forget about that for the moment.

After church Tom and I decided to spoil ourselves with lunch by the river. We were all kisses and happiness in the car but by the time we were parked a mood swing had brought me low and we were considerably less chipper.

I can't decide if it was bad timing or good. Maybe my mood would have been worse had it not been for the spicy beer and cheese soup, the light on the river and the puppy we spotted prancing by on the waterfront. Either way, we ate our burgers with a little undue grumpiness and headed off to pick up a movie, both knowing we should be sensitive to the other's situation but both feeling very sensitive about our own.

The movie was True Grit, Tom was determined to see it again and I never had. It was great. Though as I remember it was punctuated with some kind of fight. May I recommend, if you know you are being unreasonable, but can't really help it, just admit it and give whoever it is a chance to be really wonderful to you, as Tom was for the rest of the night despite me not deserving it.

I was also struggling through a headache most of the afternoon and Tom offered to wait on me about a thousand times. By the end of the movie we were lovingly crying in each others arms and shortly thereafter Tom took a much-needed nap.

I woke him up a little after six by putting on Die Hard and sitting next to him with my icecream cone. We watched most of the movie over a spaghetti dinner in bed and, let me remind you, it is a great movie. That was the heyday of action movies. It's hard to beat young Bruce Willis rocking that New York accent, or Alan Rickman that German one.

We took a break to take a shower and Tom ran to the store for the ingredients for some of his famous (between the two of us) onion dip.

After the movie we gratefully went to bed. I cried some more about who-remembers-what. But as I fell asleep all cried out and finally rid of my headache, with Tom rubbing my back, I was peaceful and content.

All things considered it was a good day and I can't imagine how great it would be to have Tom home more often.

Today I am getting back into the swing of things here in the penthouse. I may go looking for a chest to put Tom's massive t-shirt collection in as the drawers are overflowing. As much as I want him to get rid of some, I really love all of them. They all remind me of him and he wears them so well.

I also emailed some phone pictures to myself and have been updating Facebook albums. I will share more pictures from this weekend here soon.

1 Camille at the park

2 Paia at Cafe Zenon my last day of school

3 A ladybug on Basil

And I was remembering and singing this this morning. I used to listen to The Be Good Tanyas constantly and when I started working at The Humble Bagel somehow everyone loved them and our CDs were destroyed from overuse.

Good Monday to you. May it be as nice as Sunday but with more work in it.

A break from reality

2011-06-26T18:13:00.000-07:00

I spent Thursday, Friday and Saturday the way I want to spend all days: co-running a four-children household. It was beautiful and has only intensified my desire to make it a life-long, or at least decades-long, career.

There was much clomping around in my high heels (poor things); trying to avoid my camera; dressing oneself and thus wearing adorable outfits (like shirts as dresses or turned backwards); and, of course, strict scooter safety.

These kids are something else and I am so blessed to be a part of their lives.

It's time I bring it back

2011-06-22T09:53:00.001-07:00

The good news is that I'm filling out my tops nicely. The bad news is that that is always the last and surest sign that I have long-since gained weight. And sure enough, as I "slipped" on a pair of pants this morning, which I haven't worn for a while, there was an uncomfortable moment when the button and hole were reaching toward each other with more effort than is usually necessary.

Hrrm.

I saw this coming, I new it was happening, I did nothing to stop it.

This past term was one of my least athletic of all. Only two of my classes were upstairs and those were only one story. And they were all right next to each other: no sprinting across campus. But I am an avid walker in general, and since school has ended I've been walking most days, but then, with one thing and another, my yoga practice has dropped off and I still only ever attend the Gentle Yoga class (it's just so nice and gentle!).

I think the main problem is my diet. More ice cream cones to combat the heat, more eating out to celebrate more time with friends, and, the most insidious change, more fruit juice all the time.

I have become addicted to this stuff and my stores keeps selling it to me, cheap. I drink it diluted but I drink it a lot and who wants to drink water when their taste buds have been spoiled by the many and various flavors of the tree and vine? And who wants real fruit when right there is the best part ice cold and conveniently packaged?

And that's another thing: our recycling bin is getting out of control and my guilt is mounting.

But, never fear!, there is some more good news. Now that I have some more time on my hands, to plan my day and plan my meals, etc., I can go back to my sure and fool-proof fitness plan (with a minimum of effort).

The fittest I've ever been was when I did a little muscle-building exercise everyday, ate throughout the day and had water or tea with every meal, snack, and bite of food.

It made me so much more aware of what I was doing/eating and kept me from drinking sugar.

I still ate Paul's' massive donuts on the regular and sat around most of the day but that little effort, which was totally enjoyable, by the way, made all the difference. In a couple months I was sliding my ever-shapely derriere into a size six which, let me tell you, is as low as I go: we are a bubble-butted people.

I felt great!

The problem is that it's harder to do without a regular schedule, and between Tom working strange hours and me working strange and changing hours in school, I've been eating and exercising irregularly and have been out of shape my whole marriage!

Now it is time for a change! I'm tired of feeling flopsy and flomsy and not fitting into my pants (though, as I said, I don't mind how I'm fitting into my bras - oh well).

It's Ciara time, baby.

Hybris

2011-06-21T07:39:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I fell victim to myself (once again). I overestimated my stomach's ability. I thought refrigeration was for wusses.

I got food poisoning. And it's no joke.

The worse part is is that I don't even know which of my foolish choices caused me to fall... Wait a minute, that definitely wasn't the worst part. Forget I said that. The worst part was either rolling around on the bed feeling like my body was going to rip in half and just wishing it would get it over with already! Or, squatting over the wastepaper basket for who knows how long while Tom waited for me in bed, probably reflecting on how he told me not to save that piece of steak when I was deep into "waste not want not" the other night.

He probably wasn't reflecting on that, really, but that's what I thought about as I miserably crouched there alone. I also thought about the time when I thought the that the H1N1 vaccine was for wusses...

While we're on the subject of dangerous self-confidence I'll tell you a little of what happened to Tom recently. Well, really, it's just this: he worked until he literally couldn't work anymore, and then he fell down.

I thought, for a while, that this was bound to happen. And then I thought, "Huh. Maybe he's a robot."

But, no, finally his flesh and blood gave out, and he passed out and hit a number of things on his way down. And then when he came to he couldn't move for a half an hour. Apparently it was shock. Probably the exhaustion didn't help.

He's still shaken up. He's lost that confidence he had in his body and he's still in pain from falling over six feet into who-knows-what face-first. His muscles are damaged and he can't laugh without gripping pain. He's going to have a scar on his perfect face, like a soap opera villain. I'm just so glad it wasn't a car crash.

He's still working. He didn't get a leave of absence. No, he just got a few hours sleep (at the warehouse, I guess) and a trip to the hospital.

I've gone into denial about his job after all this time, but he really is working too hard. And he's beating himself up a little for no longer being on the top of his game.

Oh, boy

And then he had to take care of me: make me ginger tea (twice) and get out of bed to get me the saltine crackers.

Sorry, Charlie. I thought I was stronger than that.

You know how it goes.

Little fishy in the sea

2011-06-20T21:24:00.000-07:00

I love this movie! Especially when I'm home alone all night and just need something sweet and comforting.

The music and some of the animation is so beautiful and epic, but the children are so kid-like. It's a lovely and unexpected combination. I also love that it's so magical and yet set in contemporary times.

Wonderful.

Also wonderful, I'm not alone tonight. Tom just surprised me a minute ago by walking through the door.

Ponyo may be on hold now.

This and that

2011-06-20T11:58:00.000-07:00

My peonies have expanded.

I bought a couple of new vases and dream of filling them all summer long. This one is very heavy and had a old, tiny, gold "made in Japan" sticker on the bottom, still.

I got rid of my silly old glass one that I couldn't fit my hand into to clean and got a big-mouth glass one that it will take twice as many flower to fill. Oh well!

I was extra happy with my decision to buy letter magnets when I woke up to this the next day:

And they've come in handy since.

Though we could use some more E's.

He says

2011-06-20T11:31:00.000-07:00

I just came across this today while I was uploading other phone pictures. I was trying to find it to show Amelia and Mom when they were here but failed.

This is a quote of Tom's on the hardback version of Nick Tapalansky's Awakening that we saw last time we were in Portland doing out annual Powell's trip.

Tom doesn't do any writing anymore, really; he's so incredibly busy all the time with his job. (More on that later...) But he was talking yesterday about how he'd like to return to some more self-motivated work, not just pouring all of his energy constantly into someone else's vision.

... and I was just getting used to that. I'll keep you updated.

Happy Fathers' Day!

2011-06-19T19:50:00.000-07:00

Happy Fathers' Day, Dad!

Thank you for all of the love and support you give Tom and me. (And my sisters and my nieces and nephews.)

And for taking your show on the road! I hope Mexico was great! I can't wait to go!

We love you!

Frosted window panes...

2011-06-18T22:53:00.000-07:00

It's June which around here means new candy cane stripped pajamas and cute, holly berry-festooned mugs for steaming hot drinks. Ah, thrift store shopping; there are no rules!

The pajamas came just in time, it was pouring rain all day long and I got a stomachache from eating too much tuna... or juice... I couldn't figure out what had done it.

It was straight into my new stripes as soon as they were out of the dryer, and they are comfortable! They're from a brand that makes baby clothes.

I want to be a baby.

Merry Christmas, one and all!

Running through a field

2011-06-18T09:54:00.000-07:00

Funnily enough it is raining again today, but yesterday was very sunny and Lane I went to the Springfield Friday Market (for strawberries) had some Thai food and did some more shopping at St. Vinny's.

I mostly got baby clothes for my girl.

Though it's grey out and I really need to stop spending all our money I couldn't help doing a little Summertime "window shopping" over my morning coffee (and juice... and fried eggs on toast...).

Here is what I would wear today if I were out running in the sunshine today, instead of home doing laundry:

Farm Fresh t shirt (made in California)

Dig Vintage skirt

and twojs vintage sneakers

Cuppa

2011-06-16T17:59:00.000-07:00

It took a lot of tea (and a little coffee... and while I won't say the Red Bull was necessary, I did drink it) to get me through the final stretch of my school career and I loved every last sip.

I will miss those great excuses school provides to buy tea everywhere you go. Ah... school.

I got an A+ in Drawing, which, according to my instructor, is not easily done.

It feels good. I get to end everything with a nice sense of accomplishment, and I feel like I have improved.

Thanks goes to my muse.

She's the one

2011-06-15T12:19:00.000-07:00

Scarlet Anne left yesterday with Amelia and Mom - back home to her papa who must be missing her like crazy! The last time Tom saw this sweet girl was when she was about a day old. The last time I saw her was Thanksgiving, when she was just a little older than that. We were not prepared for all that had changed. Not physically, she looks almost exactly the same, just a little stretched and more defined, but her personality has taken off!

And she's doing this.

Anyway, this personality is just the kind I would picture in my baby dreams, if I had known to dream that big! Adorable scowl-y faces when she's thinking; hugs, hand-holding; throwing her head back with happiness; light beaming out of her eyes and smile; intentionally crazy noises; showing off by being weird; and best of all, the sweet little sigh she does when she presses her face against something and smiles. She is so so good and I am, as always, so proud of Amelia for raising such an angel.

Not to mention that she looks just like what I always pictured for my own daughter. That is, she looks just like my baby, Alice, the Cabbage Patch doll I've had since Amelia was born: bald head; round, blue eyes; she even forms her mouth into the same little smiling "o" shape. And when Scarlet met Alice she "kissed" her and hugged her and sighed.

Amelia was good enough to bring bald-headed, blue-eyed baby pictures of me she had found at Grandpa's that she thinks look like Scarlet. And I don't know why but that really does make me happy.

It's too impossible to imagine what my own baby will be like, and for now I am just so happy to be an aunt, and for Tom to be an uncle. I love to see my sister (who, yes, is generally regarded as very like myself) and my brother-in-law in her sweet baby face and to see her personality develop. And don't even get me started on my other nieces and nephews!

But I wouldn't mind having one of my own, and giving Mom a good excuse to come visit again next summer. And then I wouldn't have to strap them into a car seat and say goodbye.

I can't wait to see her for her birthday next month, and many other times now that I'm done with school.

I'm in love.

Graduation Day

2011-06-14T16:02:00.000-07:00

We know how to celebrate around here.

Good luck with your 24' truck this morning

2011-06-10T10:31:00.000-07:00

What I don't understand...

... is that I ground the coffee and put it in the machine last night.

All he had to do was push the button.

In other news...

Triple Cheese bagels fresh out of the oven again this morning. Mmmhmm.

Hair hair

2011-06-09T21:49:00.000-07:00

I am not looking forward to all the awkward growing-out phases of my hair (that I couldn't make it through last time I tried). But after seeing this this morning I'm thinkin,' 'Grow hair, grow!'

Long hair can be fun... I think.

I don't really remember.

Just one day out of life

2011-06-09T12:35:00.000-07:00

Tom slicing up the steak, like he always does, so that we need only transfer it to our mouths.

Last night Tom stopped at Capella on the way home. That is always wonderful because there is always something he wants to get for me. Last night it was particularly wonderful because he surprised me with a last-day-of-school celebration, so I got everything he could think of! Including: two bouquets of flowers; a drink so gingery we coughed every time we drank any; a pumpkin cookie from Sweet Life (the kind I was majorly infatuated with a while back until Tom brought one home for me almost every day); three boxes of strawberries; two steaks; two bunches of asparagus; and mushrooms, green onion, cream cheese, bacon... Oh, you can't go wrong.

I'm probably forgetting something, but you get the idea.

It was all very Tom of him, yet unexpected, and very "happy-making".

And there are leftovers: asparagus, tons of strawberries (even after my breakfast); that cookie went untouched. And my beautiful flowers will be here for awhile.

Oh man. I love flowers.

I love Tom. But can I tell you the truth? I'm so used to this.

It's the best.

And the greatest part of the night was just having Tom there with me, laughing at old episodes of 30Rock we just bought on DVD. Earlier in the day I was watching them by myself, and laughing, of course, but thinking, "I miss Tommy. Laughing isn't fun without him."

And so we spent the night talking about how much we love food, how much we love Tina Fey and Alec Baldwin, and how needy our children are going to be, Oy!... just like us.

Love me, Tom! Love me always, a lot!

----

Turns out I did forget something: Triple Cheese Marsee bake-at-home bagels for this morning/afternoon. Oh my gosh, what a guy! I'm suddenly so hungry!

I'm done

2011-06-08T16:00:00.000-07:00

What's next?

Memorial Day

2011-05-30T19:09:00.000-07:00

Today I am thinking of the people in my family who have aided our country with their military service. And all but my Grandpa Patterson are still with me. I am thankful for that, and for them.

My Grandpa Humphrey

My dad

My mom

I found this picture today while on the hunt for some others. This is me at the tail-end of my honeymoon at a party for my dad who was about to leave for active duty (for the first time in my life) in Kuwait.

There ain't no doubt we love this land and we are so thankful for all of the brave Americans who have been called over time to defend her. May they never fall in vain.

Just thought I'd share

2011-05-28T18:24:00.000-07:00

Oh by the way...

here's exactly how cute Tom was this morning.

His hair is growing out again! Though, we'll probably cut it some soon.

Now I'm off to get a RedBull because I have been weirdly craving one for a few days now and it's the last of finals for the rest of my life, most likely! It just seems appropriate.

I haven't had a RB in years and am a little worried about what it will do to me.

Here's hoping it keeps me up and helps me get my work done!

The situation is starting to get serious. I keep putting off the ten page paper I have due in a few days and, ya know, I have a few other things to get done by then too.

Good thing I'm graduating soon, because I am a terrible student!

Tom: the baby, the body

2011-05-28T12:18:00.000-07:00

The end of this post is sure to embarrass... well, everyone. But I couldn't resist! You should have seen how cute Tom was this morning!

After an extended text messaging conversation with sister Brooke the other day I realized that my sisters have not have the joy of seeing pictures of Baby Tom and imagining what their some-day nephew or niece may look like. Mind you, I was an unusually thin, and therefore not-so-cute baby (so who knows what will happen!). I plumped up quickly and have been a little (or "medium-sized" as Tom and I always say) tree-stump ever since. But it was quite the opposite with Tom, as you will see.

Exhibit A:

Oh my goodness, I love this picture. Fat bellies belong in one-pieces. My Grandpa Shilha knew this, and wore a jumpsuit and cowboy boots all of his oldster days. And apparently my mother-in-law knew this. Good woman.

Here he is again with Grandpa Mattson:

Couldn't you just kiss those cheeks right off? Not a hint of those peach halves remain today, but it doesn't stop me from kissing those cheeks which are now full of the best smile lines since... James Franco! (Yes, James Franco is like 6 years older than Tom, the comparison works) ... Dennis Quaid! Maybe that's a better one? Abe Lincoln! OK, I'm done. You get the idea.

His cheeks weren't the only thing to change dramatically. Look at these limbs!

He became one skinny dude, despite evidenced intense feeding sessions. His horizontal growth could not keep up with the vertical. But he hit his fully-mature height early in life and has been filling out ever since.

When I met him he was quite soft around the edges thanks to the diet of the newly-collegiate.

I remember (well) the first time I saw him after a summer of hard labor. As he approached my friend and I where we stood on a street in South East Portland our jaws hit the pavement. My friend was sure that wasn't the guy we were waiting for (Thanks a lot, Doug).

He is quite the shape-shifter that man.

Despite waiting years I was still the first to call dibs on those biceps.

Go me.

I just hope he doesn't pass them on to our daughter. I doubt she'll be into that look.

Cake against the odds

2011-05-27T17:27:00.000-07:00

Why are my shoes up by that cake? Well, for one thing I intend to eat that whole cake myself so I can put my feet wherever I want.

Why such an air of satisfaction? Because I formed that wee little cake out of mere scraps and two different recipes - neither of which I had the ingredients for.

And you know what? I was proud. And pretty dang satisfied.

So I got out my sugar, flour, cocoa powder, baking soda, eggs, mascarpone - because I didn't have yogurt or sour cream or anything anything else called for and what on earth can't be improved with cheese? - and the dreggs of my morning coffee - because I didn't have espresso... whatever and the whole "mocha" thing sounded great! I also grabbed some chocolate chips for good measure.

I slapped on my last-option apron, the one my friend Lisa left me when she moved to China.

The one with the too-short strings in the back that make me feel a little claustrophobic.

Ah... Paris.

I have no mixer so I took out my wooden spoon and I mixed and I mixed until the mascarpone was only pretty lumpy, as opposed to really lumpy.

The batter tasted like delicious pudding and it was all I could do to put it in the oven in the first place.

But I did and I wasn't disappointed, and by the next day, with the help of Tom and Lane (because I did share afterall... sorry about the shoes guys) the cake was gone.

Another day, another adventure in the kitchen of Dinah Claire: novice with a knack.

Take away my heartache, in the night like a thief

2011-05-27T11:04:00.000-07:00

I love the way he looks, I love the way he sounds, and I love all the deeper more important things that are too numerous and serious to get into right now.

I got to go out with him night before last. I love when he chooses to go to Poppi's where everything is so small: small portions, small chairs, small vases of small flowers, small salt and pepper shakers, small glasses of water... He is so big, but he loves that place. He sits on a little chair and eats a little bread and loves every minute of it; and so did I. I got my usual shrimp pita sandwich and he got his usual standard curry chicken with extra chutneys. We got a small cup of decaf coffee (the only size they have, of course) and a small glass of the sweetest Greek wine. It was like drinking syrup, but it felt very festive. We ordered the sweet walnut cake with whip cream, karidopitta, and a couple of noonas and left, with the staff putting on jackets and turning off lights behind us, feeling very full.

That is one of the blessings of these busy times, any time together is a special occasion. And with Tom going into overtime within two days of his work week we can afford to order some syrupy wine, pick up and movie we won't watch, and be thankful for the struggle that leads to so much happiness over and over again.

Happy Birthday, my young plum!

2011-05-26T11:29:00.000-07:00

My baby sister turned 23(!!) a couple of days ago! I have scattered Amelia's birthday wishes across the month of May this year. She is too busy enjoying her wonderful life to notice, I'm sure. So here is a belated tribute to the girl I love: the strong and vibrant mother of incredible children; the mature but cheeky wife of an adoring husband; maybe the funniest and savviest person I know; the torchbearer of Grandma Humphrey's genes; and usually only like the third biggest pain-in-my-backside at any given time.

Amelia, you inspire me with your love for, and devotion to, family, and your glorification of a simple life. You amaze me with your strength and your capacity to accept and forgive; not to mention the things you come up with that make me laugh.

And you're just so beautiful!

Everyone who knows me knows I'm smitten with you.

And this one's for you [Hit it, Text!]:

We were as one babe
For a moment in time
And it seemed everlasting
That you would always be mine
Now you wanna be free
So I'll let you fly
'Cause I know in my heart babe
Our love will never die

You'll always be a part of me
I'm part of you indefinitely
Girl don't you know you can't escape me
Ooh darling 'cause you'll always be my baby
And we'll linger on
Time can't erase a feeling this strong
No way you're never gonna shake me
Ooh darling 'cause you'll always be my baby

I ain't gonna cry no
And I won't beg you to stay
If you're determined to leave girl
I will not stand in your way
But inevitably
You'll be back again
'Cause you know in your heart babe
Our love will never end

I know that you'll be here girl
When Isaac and Mitch get a little bit older o-o-o-o-o-o-oh
I know that you'll living in Eugene
Oh baby believe me it's only a matter of time

You'll always be a part of me
I'm part of you indefinitely
Girl don't you know you can't escape me
Ooh darling 'cause you'll always be my baby
And we'll linger on
Time can't erase a feeling this strong
No way you're never gonna shake me
Ooh darling 'cause you'll always be my baby

Generation XY

2011-05-26T10:47:00.000-07:00

Brooke and Tell are having another boy! Throw it on the pile! The boys are overwhelming the girls in the cousin department. At least as far as I'm concerned. Cousins of my nieces and nephews, largely unknown to me, are left off my calculations.

This puts me in quite an interesting position as an aunt. I absolutely adore little boys (it's the same with Tom and little girls) but growing up with 3 sisters and one female cousin (that's zero brothers and zero male cousins, mind) I know nothing about them! Not to mention that I only had 3 uncles and one of them does not reside on this continent. The world of men is one shrouded in a great deal of mystery for me. But also fascination. I will learn much, I imagine.

So come on, "Possible Luke"! Teach me the ways of your kind! I'm not sure that I'll like them, but I know I'll love you. And your wild older brother, dramatic mother, and sassy father are sure to contribute to you being one hell of a firecracker!

You're also pretty likely to have about the cutest face imaginable.

Though you may be one in a bit of a crowd at this point I hope you are prepared to be so loved!

'Cause that's just your lot in life.

Congratulations Brooke and Tell! You have made me a very happy auntie.

Some art I can get behind

2011-05-25T18:15:00.000-07:00

Nice job sister Sue, getting Jordan to make me a thank you card.

You girls sure know how to please an auntie. I love it. It's beautiful.

And I love this little Jordan-writing. These are the years! I tell ya.

I've been doing some art work of my own. This was the most successful drawing of the day, in my opinion. Though my instructor seemed to like it my ink work is not my favorite. Charcoal is so much more malleable and forgiving! So much better for large images, and human depictions.

Though, this did get a little surreal. Where does the nose end and the mustache begin? Why is the hair so thick and short at the same time? It's not completely accurate, but I like that about it.

Though, I might change it. When it comes to Tom's face realism is important. I like his face the way it is.

I hoping for a date with that face tonight. It means continuing to not get any work done. But... who cares? I want a date! Bring that face on home to me, baby.

Around again

2011-05-25T11:27:00.001-07:00

I got Tom back last night. He was a little out of sorts. The whites of his eyes were darker than his newly tanned skin. Dark red. But he said sweet things and he did sweet things and he was out of bed before me this morning to get back to working. But not before 9 a.m., which we were both very thankful for.

I am leaving for drawing class now, where I will draw his nose and mouth over and over again and think about his homecoming tonight.

Oh my soul

2011-05-22T23:58:00.000-07:00

I am missing my boy. It is a very rare Sunday that I don't get to spend the entire day with him; which is important, because it is the only day I usually get to spend with him. But this Sunday he isn't here. Due to a series of unfortunate events (not uncommon in his line of work) he needed to be there since yesterday (with a couple hours of sleep at home) and may not come home tonight at all. It is hard to sleep when he's not here. I usually end up staying awake until two or three not getting anything done, despite my own (thankfully) very different schedule. It's hard to support and comfort him when I want support and comfort myself. It's hard to want anything but his arms around me and the promise of time together.

But despite the blessing that Sunday usually is in that way I know that that isn't what this day is really about, or any day. I know that I am not alone and that what my heart is yearning for most is not Tom.

I am so proud of Tom. And I had a wonderful day today with my best friend Lane, who is always there to help me and entertain me and eat good food with me. And listen to me. The prospect of getting into bed is not an inviting one, and I am considering easing into it with some pajama-wearing, file-sorting time. Getting things organized for possible, future, house-buying ventures ?

I have such a bright future, past and present with rooted in my God. Maybe those roots can dig deeper tonight in the quiet of my little home as they search for such nourishment as they can find in solitude.

Gifties

2011-05-22T22:51:00.000-07:00

This adorable picture and other's like it are from an old blog post of a blog I ran across recently: Princess Lasertron. It was on this post that I first found out about Hickoree's Hard Goods via the pretty-come-workman bag she's sporting. Though I couldn't justify buying a bag of my own just now I found it easy to justify buying a whole lot of other things right away in the form of gifts for various people and occasions. I got the box a few days back.

In it was a shirt for Tommy to sleep in; a sort-of-boomerang, a rubber band-powered balsa wood airplane with landing gear, some Big League Chew and astronaut ice cream for Isaac's Birthday; some gifts for Mitchell's birthday too (though I have to save them until October); a tin of collectors' crayons for Jordan's Christmas gift (I know! I'm so ahead of things!); a Fathers' Day gift; and a small graduation gift for Lane.

As the package was delayed by weather on the East Coast and Isaac's birthday was upon me I had to ship his gift right back out again as soon as it came.

Along with it I packed up the book I got for Scarlet from a box labeled FREE, though I can't believe no one would want it. The Patchwork Kilt is a very sweet and charming book about a very supportive family in Scotland. We have a bit of Scottish on our Patterson side, from which Amelia gets her distinctive middle name. That's right: Amelia Patterson Humphrey (now Childress). I've always loved her name. And now Amelia can pass our (slightly) Scottish heritage down in her own way... well, in my way, actually, but you see the draw of the book.

I don't pick up just any book out of the free pile!

Along with that went the boots I love which are still in pristine condition because they were too narrow for my feet. Amelia's long, elegant peds should do them considerably more justice. I hope they fit.

And then came the gifts. I of course couldn't resist packaging them all in tissue paper and twine and adding notes expressing my undying love for my bright-eyed angel - my middle-nephew - but in my haste I failed to photograph the final results. I hope he gets satisfaction out of ripping everything open, though.

(A late) Happy Birthday to you, Isaac. I am so happy you have come into my life. God bless your precious heart and your precious face.

Those lips

2011-05-21T22:27:00.000-07:00

Genius idea for my drawing final project: drawing my baby's nose and mouth.

We have to make about a million sketches and work on it for 3 weeks.

Not a bad gig.

Something ventured, nothing gained.

2011-05-21T11:59:00.000-07:00

In an attempt to keep myself on track yesterday, to get somethings done, like... I don't know... school work: that pesky little detail standing between me and life-long academic freedom, I decided to document my day with photos every hour or so to encourage me to make progress (and then show it off). At this point I'm sure I need hardly say that I failed pretty spectacularly, even in taking pictures. But you know what? I did have a pretty nice day.

My inspiring morning scene.

My first attempt at productivity: sorting laundry.

My second success: a trip to the post office to send off a package to Amelia & Co. and pick up some stamps with cute illustrations.

My most consistent work all day, eating my way steadily through this pan of potatoes.

Changed the ink. Good.

Uh oh. Starting to go off the rails. Put on Dr. Katz while folding laundry.

Laundry can wait. I need a nap.

Now I need a pick-me-up: coffee and carbohydrates.

Hey! Where's the rest of the pictures?! Yeah... it was never going to work out. And it's noon now and I've managed to eat some eggs and bacon and read all about a Winnebago restoration. Tom and I have been going to bed so late recently and it's really throwing me off terribly. I may try the Pomodoro technique that worked well for me the other day after I picked up the idea here.

Good luck in all your endeavors.

The long and winding road

2011-05-20T23:01:00.000-07:00

I'm seriously considering growing my hair out again - all the way. I know the road will be a hard one, and I may be making this decision influenced largely by the terrible haircut I gave myself recently in a sick stupor, but... I don't know. It may just be time for a change.

We'll see how long I can stand the awful growing-out process...

I feel like I'm not going to stick with it.

But feeling that is giving me a weird kind of claustrophobia, like I can't control my own body!

So maybe I'll do it just so I can breath easy.

Grocery Outlet

2011-05-20T19:08:00.000-07:00

I made the trek to Grocery Outlet this evening and though it wasn't my best haul I felt like singing its praises non-the-less. And, honestly, I would have bought more had I not been carrying it all home under my own steam.

This conditioner is great and it's about 4 bucks off at GObm right now in every kind of scent. They've got the shampoo too.

So, for those of you in the Eugene-Springfield area head on over there every chance you get. For those of you not in the area, come visit me! I'll take you there, I promise!

Morning Light

2011-05-20T13:40:00.000-07:00

This Friday Moment, inspired by Soulemama.

Just for fun

2011-05-17T20:01:00.000-07:00

I feel bad that my blog is sitting stagnant right now as I'm off doing all the silly little things this term requires of me so that I can graduate... not my favorite term... not my least favorite term... it's ok. The point is, I have a moment (I'm pretending. This day has been great for pretending but not great for getting much done.) so I thought I'd throw up some pretty pictures of things I have been eyeballing lately and give you some links to keep you occupied until we can both start doing this blog thing religiously. I swear, it's gonna happen.

I think I am in a very playful mood this Spring. I am loving wearing my new super-bright tops, which is extremely a first for me. And everything I have here is some degree of so-much-more... well, playful than I'm used to. But I love.

I want this t-shirt from Emersonmade. I got over the idea of getting the white ones - I know I'll ruin them, and what fun is that? Certainly not as much fun as this, anyway. So I'm putting my wanting energies and my theoretic money (it's not real money these days 'cause Tom and I want to buy a house! I think the only house we can afford is the poorhouse, but we'll see...) into this very adorably playful (which describes Emersonmade all over) gray t-shirt. It looks so soft. I will wear it some day.

And this. The cheetah belt. Again, cheetah belt? Moi? Not my us. (pronouced "youj"... or something) but I can't stop loving it. And I need a new "neutral" belt badly. I keep stealing Tom's and they're just too big!

I found this site, Curator, here. And there I found this bag:

I haven't figured out if this is made somewhere, or in some way, it shouldn't be yet, so beware... But it goes perfectly with my Beauty and The Beast soundtrack cassette tape which Tom bought me a while ago and which I've been listening to lately. My love of musicals knows no bounds, and is certainly not bounded outside of wonderful and clever Disney songs. Do you remember how the movie opens? I do. I've always had it memorized.

"Little town, it's a quiet village. Every day like the one before. Little town full of little people waking up to say... BONJOUR, BONJOUR; BONJOUR, BONJOUR, BONJOUR!"

That was always one of my favorite things to sing, and there is a reminder of that great song, in blue and red: my favorite combination.

Also on Curator is this jumpsuit:

I don't know if my particular figure could reasonably pull off such a thing (if you know me look at it from the back and maybe you'll see what I mean) but if so it would be perfect for summer. And this is made in the USA. In San Francisco. Hooray!

And I just immediately fall for anything from DiTerra.

My gosh, everything is just so beautiful and the colors and finishes melt me.

I want to become a DiTerra collector. I'm completely in love.

OK. There was my window shopping from the last little while.

Noodles are boiling in the pot so I should start preparing vegetables. I have made some very poor dietary choices today and want a piece of steamed broccoli more than I can say.

Laundry among other things

2011-05-13T18:28:00.000-07:00

Life is to be getting very busy about now, though strangely I'm not getting that much done. I have 2 term papers, constant assignments, dozens of drawings, astronomy quizzes, and 2 exams to consider before my freedom. It hasn't really hit me yet that my freedom is forever. This is really the final stretch. I'm trying to make that motivate me. But really I am motivated by the everything after: plans to buy a house (who knows when), start an Etsy shop, spend time with family and keep up on housework, blogging and letter writing, fill my mind.

Today was a day to get things done! Friday. It and Saturday are set apart for this purpose. But Friday is also the day that I have yoga, and since there is always Saturday to "fall back on" I tend to let the day get away from me and it becomes less of a work day and more of just... a day.

Today I went to yoga in the morning so Lane could join me before she leaves for a visit with her family. Afterward we took my coupons to the shop around the corner and had some coffee and burritos. On my way home I stopped off at a little shop that's more second-hand than vintage. But I did find some wonderful things to sell on a future online shop.

Then I did some astronomy quizzes, though I'm stuck on a question about a black hole. Then I put on Manhattan Murder Mystery, as always, and started in on four loads of laundry.

I couldn't bear to risk losing the softness of our new t-shirts. They got washed on cold and hung up.

I washed our cabin quilt giving it yet more character in the little wrinkles that are forming at the seams. I love how light-filled our kitchen always appears in photos, even on an overcast day like today. On the floor are my vintage finds, waiting to be gone over with a fine-tooth comb.

These look as if they've barely, or never, been worn. I can't wait to see them on a foot they fit.

Things these days

2011-05-06T12:05:00.001-07:00

I may have found my camera, but I'm still never home long enough to use it. So here are a few recent pictures from my phone to catch you up on my life.

We've begun figure drawing in my art class with a model. I am really happy. I love drawing human figures, I love looking at drawings of human figures, and I love my own drawings now.

I was not too impressed with my bottles and cans and still-lifes in general. We have more homework than ever for this class now but since I actually want to do it now it's not so bad.

Speaking of figures, check out this one...

Scarlet in a new swimsuit, STANDING UP! When did she get those sturdy little legs?

She's still got those sassy hands. I don't know if you can tell but she's trying to put one on her hip, but her belly's getting in the way.

I'm lovin' the continued baldness despite her aging in other ways.

In other news school is stressing me out and I'm definitely doing worse than usual. Though, we're just aiming for a pass at this point and so far that's working out.

Please pray for me, this stress is the worst and my professors are hard to deal with in one way or another. And I'm missing my life: laundry, cleaning, cooking, my friends, my family, loving on little children and now yoga: they're all suffering.

But this is the time of year when Tom and I can stop worrying about money, at least, and it sure is fun! Buying food, buying gifts, buying clothes(!) - new clothes(!!) - and things for our apartment... it's been grand. I can't wait to share more, but I've really got to get to work! I'm playing catch-up for my week of illness. Ay yi yi. But I am feeling better. That's grand too.

I was singing this in the shower...

2011-05-06T10:39:00.000-07:00

For those of you who love this as much as I do: En Vogue - "My Lovin'"

I can't remember the last time my sisters and I sang together... unless it was on Brooke's wedding day when we were heading to the church. What was that song again? Was Sue singing?

Did we sing "Going to the Chapel" on Suzanne's wedding day? That sounds familiar.

Were you guys even there on my wedding day?! Just kidding, I remember... No singing though, right?

Anyway, I think it's time to resurrect a little En Vogue. Though, there's only really two parts to that song... Well, we managed to figure it out when I was little. But that was probably by having 'Mels and I remain silent, or all of us singing at the same time...

I don't remember.

Ca-mah-rah

2011-05-03T23:33:00.000-07:00

Uh, I miss Liz Lemon. Netflix, where art thou? (Oh, I just have to pay for you? Oh, only like $8 a month?... I'll think about it. It is the time of year when the blowing of money starts happening. Why, just today, I bought, like, seven things from American Apparel online... and I don't even buy American Apparel. But I've gotten off track somehow... what was this about again? Oh yes!) I found the charger for my camera!

Did I seriously put it in a wooden box designated specifically for the things Tom never uses but are somehow always sitting around... ? Why? Why would I put it there? What, what was I thinking? I'm not sure, but there are bound to be more pictures and more posts now. And more organizing, because it's the best. More on that later. Tom needs his fourth pillow... me.

Nighty night.

From Zanzibar to Barclay Square

2011-04-29T13:08:00.001-07:00

I have been heretofore unaware of this interesting comparison...

(Sorry you're making weird faces in some of these, Brooke, but so is Pippa, so what could I do? Plus you still look cute, so stop complaining!)

Is anyone else weirded out by this?

The Ballet Russes and crepe suzette

2011-04-29T10:32:00.000-07:00

Everyone in the blogosphere seems to be writing about the royal wedding this morning - so why should I pretend I'm above such things? I'm not. Well, I kind of am. That is to say, I wouldn't be writing about it at all if it weren't for how amused I am about one thing.

Ever since Kate Middleton showed up on the scene with her high cheek bones and substantial jawline; her bright, toothy smile; her dramatic eyebrows; her molded, but button-y nose; and her long, girl-next-door brown hair, I have forcibly been reminded of one person: my sister "Sue".

The best part about this connection dates back several years, when, I believe, Suzanne bet our sister Brooke $100 that she would marry Prince William. (Sue lost.) I didn't remember this bet specifically, but I have remembered the infatuation that brought it about. And to think, if only Suzanne were British, 7 inches taller, and not related to us, he might have been hers.

Though, as you can see from the picture above, Suzanne found someone else to love: Drew Brees. In fact, she willfully lost her bet about a year ago when, denying Prince William any future hope, she walked down the aisle in... hmmm... a dress that reminds me of something now...

what is it?... Well anyway, she looked beautiful.

And congratulations, Will and best wishes, Kate. (That was for you, Brooke.) I hope your marriage is long, happy and good for your country... but no pressure!

Auntie needs a new pair of shoes

2011-04-27T14:45:00.001-07:00

I still haven't found my camera's battery charger, and it's retrieval is not looking imminent as it's Midterm week and I woke up sick this morning. Thanks, Stress!

I do have a couple of photos from my phone. Nothing of my Easter decorations, or my egg-shaped cake, or the fruit platter I made for church brunch, or the whole church sitting through the service around tables like a big family, or me forcing Tom dig through his Easter basket before he was fully conscious, or of Tom and Lane on the goose chase I sent them on, or me falling asleep while we watched Porco Rosso, or Lane and I learning to play poker, or Tom beating our butts, or the delicious stew and buttery fingerling potatoes Lane made us.

But I do have a picture of Scarlet!

Isn't she an angel? She's barely changed since last I saw her - what a good niece! This is the first picture message from Amelia that's gotten to me in awhile. I have been desperate for any sight of this sweet, hairless (as she should be) little girl.

Also, I bought some shoes.

I was having a bad day. I was tired - fighting off whatever just beat me today - and grumpy. What a pick-me-up these were! They pick me up quite a few inches. And they're Nine West so they're way more comfortable than they look. And they're second-hand so they were cheaper than they look too. I took these pictures in the shop while I was deciding whether I needed them or not. All it took was the shop woman heading over to the shoe section with another customer to assure me that I did. I swooped in with a mumbled apology and snatched these puppies up!

They weren't the most practical buy, I suppose, but they sure are fun, and I'm going to wear them, a lot! You just wait. (I already wore them to Grocery Outlet!)

So, all-in-all, things could be worse. Now I've gotta get back to watching Manhattan Murder Mystery - I mean studying and writing! And doing laundry and dishes... oh, there's so much to do!

The day I've been waiting for

2011-04-23T20:08:00.001-07:00

The day before Easter and I can't find my camera batteries charger anywhere.

Ah well, it will probably end up looking a lot like most of our occasions. Lane is coming over and we're going to play boardgames. Or Tom will teach us poker, or both. Either way we're going to bet with Jelly Bellys and M&Ms and... you know, make ourselves sick, I'm sure.

Lane is bringing the main course and I'm providing a few surprises *wink wink*

I love that I can plan little things. I love having someone to make an Easter basket for every year. I can't wait to take over Christmas-stocking duty from my mother-in-law either, or to hide Easter eggs for my future children. I find it all really exciting and a great excuse to buy things I usually shouldn't - things like my grandma used to pick up everywhere and squirrel away until some holiday, or some bingo game, from which we'd come home with a department-store box full of blue glass birds, tiny pots of lotion, delicate jewelery and every other excessively gifty thing you could imagine.

For Tom, and for my own children, some day, I try to be somewhat practical so as not to fill my home with piles of virtually unusable bric-a-brac (grandma had fantastic closets). But, as Lane (and I'm sure my Grandmother) would attest to, that's the fun of these occasions: the impractical extravagance. Like buying popcorn at the movies. It's just special, and therefor exciting.

For more impractical and wonderful look at this and this.

For those of you wondering, these pictures are from Tom's and my time apart this past Thanksgiving. Our good-nights.

I had just been given Babe - a long-lost inheritance from my aunt - and Tom is never long in bed without scrambling around for Douglas.

For more impractical see our stuffed animal collection.

Tom will be working past midnight tonight. And I will probably stay up doing dishes and tidying up and not being able to sleep without Tom anyway.

I am so excited about tomorrow: church brunch and the my fruit platter I'm dying to bust into; a joyful Easter service with people I love; a scrubbed-clean apartment with lots of good light and a pink-blossoming apple branch centerpiece in the kitchen.

And everything else will be perfect, per usual: Tom, Lane, food, games... happiness.

Happy Easter. Jesus is risen.

More like a beam of light

2011-04-20T15:14:00.001-07:00

I hope this post helps you, I don't know if it helped me. Maybe I need to back away from the computer in these times of turmoil, to have a different conversation - one with God, and not myself. But I'm done now, and on to my next conversation.

----

I was having a hard time this afternoon; frustrated and tense, and not at all impressed with how I was acting or the decisions I was making. I was dehydrated and struggling with my work and was looking forward to hours of more work, for a class I'm not feeling very good about, that would take me away from housework and yoga - things important for my mental and physical wellbeing.

But even as all of this presented itself to me as the cause of my gloom, as I rode the bus to my apartment, I knew there was something far more fundamental at the root of my problems.

On my walk home from the bus I was still grumbling and longing for a "carefree" life. I actually thought a long sigh when a red sports car drove by. It was funny to me, I don't want a sports car, of all things; but it just seemed, at that moment, to represent some kind of freedom: the absence of responsibility and critical thought - give me the shiny thing and let me step on the gas.

When I got home I had to sit down and drink a glass of water, a cup of tea and I turned on my Christian Pandora station, that I don't always love, but sometimes really need, because I'll hear something that accords with what I'm thinking or feeling and, by putting it into song, by making it "permanent" in some clear, accessible way... I don't know why I'm trying to describe this.

But today, it was Sara Groves, "Just Showed Up for My Own Life", I like Sara Groves, but not this song particularly but today it said some things that made sense to me.

"Spending my time sleep walking

Moving my mouth but not saying a thing

Hoping the changes would take by working their way from the outside in"

"I was in love with an idea

...

Spending my time at the surface repairing the holes in a the... veneer" I took out some words here, I feel like she was talking about appearing to be a good Christian, but I was feeling more like my veneer was for myself - like there are too many layers between myself and my soul, my soul and God, like it's convoluted and over-thought. In my mind it's like there are all these papers between us that have to be regarded between steps: "How do I connect with God again? Ah, yes. It's right here in the third paragraph after the forth heading." This view of things is certainly due to my hectic school career, though that's not the cause of the feeling.

"There are so many ways to hide

There are so many ways no to feel

There are so many ways to deny what is real"

This rings true as well. I hide behind the most innocent and mundane of things. I fail to make time for God again and again without ever "doing anything wrong"; except letting the dishes, the laundry, a cup of tea, a blog post, take precedence over time in prayer and in the word or serving others. I know God will give me time for it all, but I don't trust this or I use my chores of necessity as an excuse for spiritual laziness.

"And I just showed up for my own life, and I'm standing here taking it in and it sure looks bright

I'm going to live my life inspired
Look for the holy in the common place

Open the windows and feel all that's honest and real until I'm truly amazed

I'm going to feel all my emotions

I'm going to look you in the eyes

I'm going to listen and hear until it's finally clear and it changes our lives"

And now, this. The part that is so hard to hold on to. The decision to follow God in everything I do. It's a narrow path, and I find that I always veer off of it while I'm looking in the wrong direction. But I have walked down it before, and it has been so fulfilling.

"Look for the holy in the common place," this is always a good place to start. Loving my neighbor as myself. Not letting things slide because, "they're really not important".

Oh, in my simple life I should see better than many how truly important those things are. Wrenching my eyes off of myself is the way to start. Asking for help; asking for forgiveness is the way to start.

About skipping Astronomy

2011-04-19T12:58:00.000-07:00

I may skip class today. I have so little free-time these days and so much to do in it! Instead of washing dishes this afternoon I walked down to ~ Grocery Outlet, bargain market ~ (which I always sing to the tune of their radio ad) and picked up more of the boxes we bought one of (as a tester) when we first saw them the other day.

Made in the USA, sturdy, clean-looking and a handy size for cheap; my original intention was to have many stacked on one another in the closet, so I felt I should go snag all the ones I wanted before they were gone, as happens with G.O.b.m. You remember my organizing dream of a few weeks back? Well this is the beginning of it's reality, on a small scale.

As for skipping class. I really do need to do those dishes and clean up the kitchen, and then I can study for my quiz until class at 5:30 this evening with plenty of time. Right? Right. Denial activated!

I'll leave you now with this picture of my nightstand.

I walked into the nursery on Sunday to find a tiny, huge-eyed, curly-haired Jacey, silently holding out (in two hands) a miniature bundle of flowers she had been waiting to give me.

You'd have to know Jacey's particular funny personality and face to imagine just how ridiculously heart-melting the situation was. But maybe you can imagine, approximately.

And the rest of the morning went much the same.

----

P.S. After Tom read (I have to admit, surprisingly) good reviews, Tom and I rented Tangled and really liked it! It was very reminiscent of the "old" "classics": Aladdin, Little Mermaid, Beauty and the Beast (and Sleeping Beauty, but did anyone ever really watch that movie?) and we laughed out loud several times. The music was its only real weakness (which is too bad for a musical-lover like me); though, I actually really appreciated Mandy Moore's voice in this context.

We'll probably add this one to our massive collection someday. Two thumbs up.

On my mind

2011-04-19T11:15:00.000-07:00

Lane, Tom and me (not pictured) playing Pandemic recently - Lane is our best weapon against diabolical viruses.

Today I am thinking about...

... how good I have it

... my Grandma Humphrey and how wonderful she was and how even more wonderful she is now, which is impossible to imagine

... starting an Etsy shop inspired by her

... my beautiful Tom and all his exciting eccentricities

... a quiz I have to take this evening

... Sir Francis Drake, and what did he do in 1579 again?

... tax money and buying some things

... walking down to the store and spending some money right now

... my right wrist I hurt scrubbing the oven

... yoga, and how I wish I could go everyday

... Sundance's 50% off produce shelf and how well it fed us last night

... my mom and Amelia (and Scarlet) coming to visit in June and the fun things we'll do

... how I'm doing well in drawing class

and Easter!

This is what it's like to be busy, I always wondered

2011-04-15T10:02:00.000-07:00

No new pictures have been taken around this week. For one thing the dark skies outside aren't providing the most inspiring light, for another, everything looks a mess around here and for a third, I have been way too busy and not often home. Today is Friday, I don't have school today, but I am feeling just as schedule-bound and kind of wound-up as I do the rest of this week, despite nothing being due and not having to be anywhere, exactly. But I do have a ton of work due Monday, for drawing, and Tuesday I've got who-knows-what due (I haven't yet looked) and a quiz for a class that's really an unknown quantity for me at this point. It's more of a historical preservation class than an art history class, I gather. After this quiz I'll have a better idea of what I should be doing to keep up.

Alright, I did have some pictures from this week, but I discovered, to my shame, when I plugged in the camera that they were almost all of my pepper drawings, so glad was I that it was almost done! But I really never want to look at a pepper again and I erased them all. (Right after I did this I went to Etsy.com and saw this... it's not even funny.) My sketchbook is getting a little psychedelic - I am so sick of black-and-white still lifes! It's really not my forte.

I relished so much cutting up that blasted pepper for fajitas the other night.

I do have a few pictures from last week. I call this one "compromise"

Sugary cereal from Grocery Outlet (a la Tom, though I have my own G.O. and Winco weaknesses: Ramen, candy, etc.) and unsweetened, organic soy milk in a lovely shade of beige.

Sometimes it's good to just break even.

This one I call "my view":

Although, this is not an entirely accurate title anymore, as I'm so often away from the apartment these days. But this is an accurate portrait of my life in general. I love all the nice white space and the eclectic details of our little home, but there is never enough organization, or enough motivation to finish (probably overly-ambitious) projects. Iddowanna sand all those little ridges;I'm too impatient for that business. And, as you can see from the chair pile-up, never enough space for big Tom. Though, I'm confident that that would change with better organization... it could happen.

Also, I spend a lot of time in the kitchen, intentionally. It's my room. Tom and I are very stereotypically old-fashioned in that way, we split it up: kitchen for Dinah, office for Tom. But really I just rove around both of them and Tom's at work.

In one minute I will go switch out the laundry, then vacuum the carpet (which I got down and scrubbed last night while I waited for Tom to finish our taxes and get into bed - I'm curious to see if that front-door stain is really, entirely gone > Parsley Plus.). After that I will make up an outline for studying and I'm undecided whether to head into Eugene early to work on my charcoal drawing, or to leave that for tomorrow and stay home until yoga. This rain is making me thing the latter.

Tom, you be Will, I'll be Jada

2011-04-13T10:13:00.000-07:00

I really know nothing of current celebrities, pop culture etc. anymore but from what I have seen I love these kids.

I hope my children will have some of their adorable confidence.

I can't wait!

2011-04-12T12:01:00.000-07:00

I love Seattle! My first trip there was only just last summer, despite being a West-Coaster for life, in spite of the fact that my favorite color is gray and my favorite weather is clouds and wind, despite it being my mother's hometown, and for a while in spite of a big chuck of Tom's family (half of his cousins) living there. But they finally were the pull we needed to make my virgin voyage north.

Last year cousin Audrey and her Matt were married and we had the best time in the world staying in Pensione Nichols around the corner from Pike Place Market; buying our huge, old map print; eating seafood by the water like fat and happy tourists; and seeing (or meeting for the first time) our wonderful cousins, aunts, uncles and other family and with them laughing and dancing the night away.

Tom's family is so exciting to me as I've only had one female cousin most of my life. Tom has hordes of cousins, mostly male, all around our age and all of whom are a lot of fun.

And we timed things perfectly; Tom was the first cousin of them all to get married, so I get to attend, as family, everyone else's weddings. And I love weddings.

This summer it is cousin Hans and Jamie who will be taking the plunge and their plans sound so fun. We'll be heading back up to Seattle, trying out a new bed and breakfast, and hopefully, if Tom's schedule allows, spending days enjoying the city and the family through various events planned.

I'll fill you in on more when our plans are more solid and I have more time. But for now I am dreaming, dreaming of a five day trip to the gray, salt-smelling wonderland with my favorite travelling companion to see our wonderful family on the happiest kind of occasion.

Tom and This again? (Why yes, what did you expect?)

2011-04-11T09:12:00.000-07:00

I could have slept forever this morning - I think Tom and I might be fighting something off, something evil, considering this is the start of an exam-time in my life and the start of months of really hard, long hours in his.

Spring has sprung and I have to get used to the idea of seeing him very little (and very tired) until around January. Really.

My plans for mattress shopping or sorting through his clothes (weeding out the too-short pants and too-short shirts he's always frustrated with) are becoming distant dreams. I'm trying to figure out now how I can do them on my own.

Yesterday he was so tired and so at the end of his emotional tether, already. I am grateful for my full schedule of school, yoga, housework and bible study to keep my occupied instead of pining away. I've learned the hard way over almost 3 years that I need to acclimate to flying solo or I'll be a wreck, without a life. I never wanted to do anything without Tom, but I have to. Going to a all-women's something, or a class, or working on the house while I sing to musicals or mystical, girly music are among my best options - they're things Tom can't be there for anyway, so I miss him less.

The hardest thing to handle is going somewhere where everybody misses Tom. Having a million people ask me, "Where's Tom?" And wanting to answer, "Work! Where do you think?!" (or "Cabo, he just needed some time without me," or "I don't know, but wherever it is I'm sure he's having a complete emotional and psychological break-down from lack of sleep and control over his life. If I see him I'll tell him you say hi!") (That last one maybe I have said before.)

Seeing the looks of disappointment on their faces is even worse. It makes me want to do an about-face and walk right out the door and back to my apartment to curl up in self-pity.

"I miss him more than you do."

But I can't make it through with self-pity. I've tried and I've failed. I need the supernatural strength of God to make me strong for Tom, for his friends and family and for me (because God knows I miss him).

My hope for this year is that everyone will get on the same page about what is happening with Tom. We can all make it through together! Are ya with me?

Eh, you're probably not. But that's ok. It's hard to understand, to fathom, what we go through. I know because it is hard for me to understand what you go through, what your day-to-day is.

And I'm very caught up in my own.

Forgive me. And help me! I'll try to help you.

Dreams of simple pleasures

2011-04-09T22:00:00.001-07:00

I have been dreaming, dreaming of spring dressing.
Dreaming because Tom and I are coming out of the winter slow season, the season of few extras. But I've loved the dreaming, the dreaming is at least half the fun. And as usual, for me, I dream small and simple. Here are some (almost all) of my spring dressing dreams:

Remember my very old floral dress? I would love to take it to a tailor and take it in and up! Shorten that puppy 'til my little legs show through. Throw in some spring sunshine and I could wear that. Almost as simple and sweet as this EmersonMade number, but more realistic for the likes of me.

One thing I fully intend to buy from EM is a Bag-O-White T's!

I have been obsessed with the white t-shirt and jeans aesthetic for months! Especially with high heels! Practical? I don't know! It's not too bad. Especially considering the the distance of my face from my husband's. High shoes start to make sense.

But those short legs that have me rethinking heels have been keeping me out of these perfect-fitting jeans. I bought them because nothing has ever been more flattering or perfect than this pair of pants but darn it all, even in tall shoes these suckers drag!

Maybe you can see the damage I've already done. Oh, I cannot wait to take them to the tailor's and get a really good hem and by that perfect jeans!

These also need a re-hemming. Though I've loved you extreme bell-bottoms! You and my vintage clogs and striped Lands End kids shirt served me well through longer hair days. You're just a little too lovechild for my shorter, chicer days.

I would not say no to some bank-breaking Swedish Hasbeens, it's true, but really I love these considerably cheaper (but still out of my price range) "homy peds". I'd wear 'em with my white tee and hemmed jeans, definitely! Every day.

And I'd carry this:

And I never carry a purse. (Except that little fair trade, across-the-chest one you got me, Suzanne.) Recently I've gotten sick of carrying my backpack everywhere. Maybe this is the short hair too, the backpack skews a little too "little boy".

I haven't given a purse a second look in years, but this one for some reason really caught my eye. I can't at all say why! But I'm getting it! Maybe... if I can.

While I'm at it, I adore this! It is too cool for words, maybe too cool for school. Maybe this should be a graduation present! Do I get those? Do I get extravagant ones like this?

Please say "yes".

Going back to my reasonable daydreams again, I do have a secondhand (I am so hardcore) one-piece in black and bright floral that flatters beyond belief, that I've, of course, never worn despite buying it last year - Have I mentioned I'm a vampire? I don't go outside in the sunny months.

But, Dad, I'll take a trip to Mexico and I promise I'll run around in the sun like I used to.

Also... my wonderful, light-filled apartment is always pretty spring-y feeling, even in winter, but if it were to get one piece for the season it would be this:

It isn't the most responsible thing to spend my money on, sure. But, oh gosh, it'd sure be great in my bathroom. I'd look at it (in my white tee and jeans) while I put on my mascara or brush my teeth and daydream, not of my wardrobe or my new painted blok, for you see in this daydream I already have those, but of my beautiful husband, my favorite dream-come-true.

Spring, I like you this year.

Flowers, again

2011-04-09T14:04:00.000-07:00

More pictures of my beautiful flowers are in order, I feel. If only you could smell them! They are wonderful!

OK, now I really have to get to work. But believe that some of my portfolio drawings this for this week will be of daffodils and tulips.

Flowers

2011-04-09T10:15:00.000-07:00

My incredible husband... uh! I was having a badish sort of day yesterday, as you will know if you read any of my many posts. But when Tom got home late last night after a grueling day of work he was carrying in each hand as many flowers as they could hold.

Assuming that he got them from some event I was please but not overly joyful. I started putting them in vases and wondering at their outdoorsy appearance. They were beautiful! And smelled even better than they looked, but they were definitely not typical event fare. They were too fresh; too wild and sweet.

Well, as it turns out, they weren't from an event. Tom had sent out the order to his whole crew, to different trucks going to different sites, to collect flowers for his wife. At the end of the night he collected what they'd brought back and he and his right-hand-man gathered them into two beautiful bouquets.

I further divided them and put them everywhere!

Aside from the absolute ecstasy of having daffodils, tulips, hyacinths and blossoming branches everywhere I look, and the smell that is filling up even the office, (where I've put no flowers, yet) the thought of Tom contriving and putting into action this plan is just too wonderful.

Thank you so much, My Love. I can't tell you what all you do means to me.

Today

2011-04-08T22:19:00.001-07:00

Today was a strange day, my memory of it seems very disjointed and I feel like I was mostly in a bad mood. Fortunately I was also in the mood for snapping pictures, and looking back things were pretty nice. And here is a bit of it, in alphabetical order (apparently).

Cookies and coffee.

Tom's coworker, Kyla, brought him back some cookies from her trip to Bruges. We quickly polished off the little stroopwafels last night. These big ones are filled with soft and insanely-sweet almond paste centers and are best eaten a tiny bit at a time with an unhealthy helping of black coffee.

Lane left her lanterns the other night that I had given her for her birthday.

They've looked great on these sunny mornings! They've given the kitchen a spring-time, Easter-is-coming feeling, or at least that little corner of the kitchen. I'm unusually excited about this spring.

Here I should add laundry, only two dollars worth as I've run out of quarters; and Lykke Li who I've been listening to for the past few days and am pretty happy about. Some of it reminds me of the The Parent Trap, some of it makes me want to be in a dance club; one song reminds me of Fleet Foxes. It's good.

Package. We've had a few packages lately, it's always exciting! This one was thanks to Brooke.

So thank you, Brooke!

Pepper still-life drawing. This I will be continuing tomorrow.

I will get to know this guy very well.

It takes much more planning and effort than you'd think to draw a pepper. It is supposed to fill the page and be fully rendered - every shade of gray.

This took me way too long. I have to do 6. By Monday! And should do 6 other drawings in my sketchbook by then too. And did I mention I have three other classes for which to study/write/read/complete online blogs and quizzes... This might be a good place to end this post.

But no! My alphabet day goes on...

Yoga. This is how I, more-or-less, ended the day. My thrice-weekly, evening yoga class. It was great, again. I'm going to learn so much! So much about me and my body. And they teach you with the assumption that you will take what you've learned home with you and practice on your own. So my hope it that by the time I stop being a student and my Y membership fee goes up $20 I will know enough to keep up with yoga on my own... and that sounds really good. I miss it on days I don't go and I would love to work more, everyday, on my shoulders and neck.

Alright, you know what's next, you know after shower, dinner, reading, etc. Zzzzzz.

Night night.

Day thirty: final day

2011-04-08T14:39:00.000-07:00

This is a picture of a picture of me and someone I miss:

My cousin, Claire.

I miss all my family, even Tom; I never see him as much as I really want to. But I miss Claire with a painful longing. Claire has down syndrome, and growing up this was no problem. We saw each other every summer and sometimes in between. We both lived in California then and our visits were a matter of course, we didn't have to think about it, we were just there, together.

Now, there is no assurance when we might see each other. With one thing and another I can never afford to fly to San Diego, and she, as always, has difficulty travelling. I can't pick up the phone and connect with her. I never know what to send her for her birthday or anytime. I don't know what she likes or what she has. She's so far away in so many ways.

And sometimes I night I lay in bed and think about her and miss her so much I can hardly bear it. Not only because I haven't see her in years but because she always feels a million miles away.

But I know when I do see her she will be happy to see me. And I hope she doesn't miss me as much as I miss her.

And I should stop writing about this because today is not a good day to dwell on anything sad. So I will think about all that I love about Claire, which is a lot. And I will remember that she's not really that far away.

Day twenty nine on day thirty

2011-04-08T14:16:00.000-07:00

This challenge has gotten very repetitive; I'm relieved it's the last day, honestly.

But it did get me through my finals, my break and the beginning of a new and challenging school term.

I know I've done a lot of pictures of my nieces and nephews (repetitive) and I tried to find something else, but I'm pretty stressed and grumpy (not to mention busy) today so I had to bring out the big guns for "a picture that always makes me smile" and choose a baby Levi and Grandpa double-whammy! Here they are!...

That foot! Look at that tiny foot!

Then momentarily sad...

Then happy again! Oh, what a guy!

Besides the obvious reason of his sunshine face I chose Levi because I had him on the brain. Brooke sent me these just now:

More pictures to always make me smile.

ILOVEYOULEVI!

Day twenty eight

2011-04-07T12:43:00.001-07:00

I couldn't think of "something I'm afraid of" to write about today that wasn't completely depressing. So instead I took a break from catching up and did this:

I've been saving the scrap paper drawings from art class to show Tom what I've been doing.

Today I had to bring home my portfolio for some weekend work and my scraps came home with it, so I got out some gaff tape and finally filled that wall space above our bed! It won't last long I'm sure, and then I will toss those scraps. But Tom will like this and he'll get to see some of my work without having to sit down and go through it by hand.

On top of that, as I went along I realized, this is what I'm afraid of! This term; everything I'm doing. I told Tom yesterday that I feel like I'm in the deep end with all that's required of me. (And I'm a terrible swimmer!)

I am afraid - to fail, though I'm sure I won't. And I'm also sure that this term will be good for me. Already I am using the time I have more wisely than before. I'm planning ahead and being less wasteful, I'm developing habits that, if I stick with them, will serve me well once I'm done with school.

But I'm also having dreams that my teeth are falling out... It's a fine balance.

---

On another note: I found out what was coming from Sunbeam. It was the replacement Crock Pot they'd been trying to send me. The "pot" I got for Christmas didn't work but when I wrote the company about it I accidentally left off our apartment number in our address (not realizing that they would immediately send me a new crock pot, no questions asked, not even, "What's your address again?"). I've been getting email after email from the deliverers telling me "It's coming! To this address (minus apt. #)," but I couldn't open the attachments with my tracking information or respond to emails or anything! It was little by little stressing me out more and more. So the fact that they've figured it all out and that it's here and over is something to check off the stress-list! A sunbeam indeed.

Day twenty seven

2011-04-07T11:30:00.000-07:00

Someday I will learn and retain something about computers and my images won't look so crummy. But today there is a challenge to meet! (actually, it was a couple days ago, but who's counting?) An picture of myself with a family member. As with many of these instructions there is so much to choose from! And so much risk of redundancy.

But of my little loved ones my darlings, Mitchell and Isaac, have be underrepresented, and I love these pictures! Crummy or not, here they come.

Uh! These boys! I'm overwhelmed by my good fortune.

For good measure, here is one of only two shots of me and my newest niece, Jordan (I love that name). She barely knows me as her aunt, in fact, on this day I still wasn't. But it didn't stop her from being completely comfortable around me right away, or from being an angel and "helping me" with Suzanne and Whitey's wedding flowers or from sending me a sweet drawing and letter recently (per my request).

I think I was still in bed when Suzanne called me frantically requesting that I help with the flowers. Tom took some gems that morning and I made this face in most of them. Jordan looked as beautiful as always.

Day twenty six

2011-04-07T10:29:00.000-07:00

I've gotten behind - I have been busy. I'm taking time out of my school work schedule to catch up for the sake of my mental health. I really care about keeping up on my blog. Also if I lose control of my blog it's one more thing to stress out about. (I had a teeth-falling-out dream the other night!)

Yesterday was Lane's 25th birthday and we (Tom, Lane and I) celebrated together with the best burgers in town, followed by the best cake in town, followed by a long game of Agricola, watching this (thanks, Thomas Pendell), listening to new-to-me music courtesy of Tom and Lane, respectively, and in my case: dreaming of dancing. And actually dancing a little. And singing. And in general being outrageous and laughing so hard at my own jokes that I was in pain.

But last night, and this post, are not about me. Really, I swear! Because the something that means a lot to me is the friendship of my best friends.

Here's why: I am so blessed by how much they enjoy each others' company.

I enjoy so much how different they are and when they have things in common with each other that I don't share with them, it's very rewarding to know that through me God brought them together and that such good comes of that. It's wonderful how much they meet in the middle.

I love that they like to listen to all kinds of music and that their interests there overlap in fun ways.

I love that they both like to play board games together and watch Hayao Miyasaki films.

I love that I'm almost always there! But that I don't need to be for them to spend time together.

Lane using Tom's iPhone to calculate her score.

Lane has brothers, and Tom, sisters, and I know they appreciate each other in a way that I'll never understand because of their easy familiarity with the opposite sex.

I love the way they talk about each other sometimes to me. It makes me appreciate them both that much more, for saying sweet things and from hearing sweet things said about them. And for liking each other! To me it speaks very highly of their tastes and opinions.

I love when they're proud of each other.

I had a great time last night.

Happy 25th, Lane!

You make me so happy!

Here's my sleepy face in case you miss me

2011-04-06T10:17:00.000-07:00

I'm here!

(And look how short my hair is.)

I've been busy, busy, busy and am busy today. I've been cleaning all morning to make this place look nice for Lane's 25th birthday! A small party of Tom, Lane and I will take place here after dinner at Cornucopia and dessert-to-go at Sweet Life. We'll be playing board games after that: a perfect birthday, in our opinion.

This means I have to finish my Thursday morning homework today between 3, when my class ends, and 4 something, when I leave to meet Lane.
It also means that I'm wearing a white dress to drawing class and will probably have black and gray smudges all over it by the time I'm supposed to look nice.

It also means that I shouldn't be writing this blog right now! I have to vacuum, get made up and take off! Oh yeah, and breakfast and lunch, I almost forgot!

Well, more soon. I promise.

Sunbeam on a rainy day

2011-04-04T21:44:00.000-07:00

Jesus wants me for a sunbeam, to shine for Him each day

In every way try to please Him, at home, at work, at play

A sunbeam, a sunbeam, Jesus wants me for a sunbeam!

A sunbeam, a sunbeam, I'll be a sunbeam for Him

I had another good day today. Woke up happy in the morning, did some kitchen cleaning, drawing class at noon, a little work, some coffee, and then more good yoga in the evening.

Tom picked me up from the Y. When we saw each other down the street we couldn't stop smiling HUGE!

We stopped at Sundance around the corner and bought a basket full of just fruits and vegetables (we've been deprived).

When we got home we were informed via a note on the door that UPS has a package for us... from Sunbeam! What could it be?!

More on my day

2011-04-03T17:45:00.000-07:00

A few more photos from today...

This has been on the screen since shortly after I left the room to write that last post.

I was happy to find Tom like this. He needs sleep so badly. I don't know what I'm going to feed him when he wakes up, oh wait! I just thought of something. Whoa, it's not very exciting.

The sunshine has diminished.

And all I have accomplished is reading blogs (not the ones I gave up for Lent! But I guess I should think about giving these one's up too after today) and playing Pet Society. That is such a time suck, but it's so visually appealing and such a project if you decide to make your pet's house and your husband's pet's house into the castle from Harry Potter. I love it, but I need to stop.

This is a knife Tom inherited from his Grandpa recently. It's hanging behind me in the office now, I like it.

Someday we'll pick up the inherited gun from Grandpa Mattson and the arrows he was given as a kid and cover the whole gamut of hunter decor (sans taxidermy).

I found the photo of my closet. It was on my camera. Do you see how inefficiently the space is being used? Boxes, baby. Boxes.