OK, that's not true. I know this because, assuming that I was about to use the word incorrectly, I looked it up and the definition is too specific for my usage and also just incorrect. I mean, actually, that I kind of always assume the worst about the fate and condition of my body and even of others'. I don't trust these things; they're incredible things but they're up to no good. I am also physically a big chicken, by which I really mean limiting-ly cautious.
Before I tell you this next part I'll let you know in advance, she's fine. I saw a girl on a bike today get hit by a car. It was a woman, really, but I think of people my age as girls and boys still most of the time. I was walking to the library from my apartment early - 7:30ish and at one of these one-way intersections right by school where there are parked cars lining the streets and bicyclists and pedestrians and skaters and cars going in each direction and somehow the car sideswiped, I guess, the bicyclist. I looked over right as the girl was falling under the car and was letting out a little scream.
I always am stunned for a moment in situations that scare me. My body and mind freeze - it's a horrible survival trait, I'm definitely not one of the "fittest". After my statuesque moment of fear had past I started thinking What do I do? and I realized I didn't want to call 911. I once called nine one one and had a really upsetting experience that has apparently shaken my faith in the call being a sure means of salvation. Also the instances in which Amelia and I called Poison Control - the time I thought a mysterious ant bit me and the time I accidentally got battery acid in my mouth - they made me feel pretty dumb, though probably not intentionally. If the situation had been more dire or no one else was calling I certainly would have whipped out my phone despite my aversion - So don't worry, you're in safe hands with me (and it's only a moment of shock).
Soon the girl was telling people not to call an ambulance - she was obviously shaken but otherwise seemed fine. I watched her stand up and looked her over from the cautiously out-of-the-road distance I kept- no abrasions though I'm sure there is now bruising. Either she or her bicycle hit the rear-view mirror hard enough to knock the mirror itself onto the ground.
I tell this story only to talk a little about myself. I am usually afraid of riding my bike near cars and afraid of driving cars (I say usually because sometimes I don't mind, especially with driving) I'm often afraid to swim (though I do it anyway, but cautiously) I'm a terrible swimmer. I'm a good walker and I love to walk but when I walk I'm constantly very afraid of cars and I tend to obey all rules, laws and suggestions on safety. I used to love roller-coasters but haven't been on one in so long that who knows? I'm very afraid of roller-coasters but I find that fear fun for some reason. I don't jump off things. I was nearly in a fit (literally, tears formed) when the children I love were playing on a park merry-go-round on the Fourth of July.
So while seeing the accident solidified in me my preference for walking (and always looking both ways) I think it was also sort of good for me to see something happen with my own eyes and to see that it was ok. That bad things can and will happen but not usually the worst thing that I imagine.
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