Siiiggghh. It's been one of those days for me. One of my wide-open days in which I delude myself into thinking I'll wake up sit down in front of the computer and not get up again until I feel totally confident with 11 pages worth of terms (that's 11 pages not including there definitions), court cases and historical events - and their relevance to the subject, which is U.S. Foreign Policy from the Colonial Era onward. On top of which this is my first ever Political Science class (and I never paid attention in Social Studies); I'm just learning what all the fuss about Habeas Corpus is. The point is, regardless of the legitmacy of my excuses I never seem to manage get anything done if I'm left an entire Saturday free to do it. This is one reason I'm convinced I should be a mom - or do something equally chaotic - if something has to be done within a specific time frame there's no stoppin' me. If I have to choose between now or never, I always choose now - if I get to choose between now or later I always choose later, even if it turns out later was never a viable option, even if later is completely unrealistic and even if I know for a fact that I'm shooting myself in the foot I cannot force myself to get it done. The funny thing about this is that later it becomes a now of never situation - and then I do it. Of course, when it comes to school work that inevitabley means, for me, so much stress that I'm crying and yelling and pulling my hair out, and naturally it means I don't do nearly as good a job of it as if I had little by little intergrated some study throughout the weeks leading up to an exam or starting researching 10 minutes here and there a subject I'd have to write 6-8 pages about (the night before it was due).
I know a lot of people are like this, procrastinators; I get it from my dad I think. But he's like me and always eventually gets things done, although unlike me he is willing to go without sleep on a regular basis. I'm not cut out for this stress - probably a lot of people aren't. But maybe a lot of these people think it's worth it... I have my doubts.
So today I managed to move some books out of harms way, finger-knit some Christmas-tree decoration, tend my virtual crops on Farm Town (and Tom's), do some dishes, find this CD I was looking for, clean up some, cook some potatoes that were going soft, write to my dad, watch a movie with Tommy when he got home from his early shift because he's going to have to wake up and work a late shift and get home after I'm in bed or nodding off; but don't ask me about Missouri v. Holland or Curtiss-Wright! I tend to work better at night... maybe I'll get some of this done... I swear I can't work if Tommy's home and distracting me and I can't work when I'm home alone! I can't wait until Tom works from home - but by then I'll probably not be studying for anything.
Tommy's sleeping on the couch - I should be studying now but I don't have the book so I'm looking up the Monroe Doctrine and everything else up online... and obviously the internet is very distracting to me. This is why I need children - I would have no time to sit down here and plenty of actual entertainment. I should be a mother or a manager of some kind. My attention span is about 2 seconds -- I need to go from one thing to another to another, NOT SIT IN FRONT OF A COMPUTER READING ABOUT FINISHED INTELLIGENCE UNTIL MY EYEBALLS FALL OUT AND MY BUTT GETS FLATTENED INTO A PANCAKE! I've had too much coffee - really, 8 ounces in a day makes me like this. I make strong coffee. I should quit coffee because it makes me feel awful but I was just explaining to Tom, I'm like Pavlov's dog - everytime someone on TV mentions coffee I say, "I want coffee" - and if I'm home for an entire Saturday trying to convince myself I'll get something done I usually make coffee. I'm insane.
Anyway, I should wake up Tom and I should have ended this a while ago for other reasons.
I don't like being in school - I love the learning part, I HATE everything else. Down with the system! Maybe I'll homeschool.
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