This post is just about my guilt, and in writing it I am hoping to relieve it somehow. I just, as in 10 minutes ago, sent away for my transcripts to transfer my credits - I should not have just become a Junior last term, though I deserve it for being so disorganized and lazy. Lazy is the word.
I'm not trying to beat myself up here. Trust me, I couldn't beat myself up more in a blog than I do in my head when I realize I haven't done something I should have. What I'm trying to do is reveal, clearly, this weakness in my life so that so that it won't run amok, by and large unchecked by my consciousness.
What my guilt is about at the moment (for, you see, I have ordered my transcript now) is that I still have not officially declared my new major! I'm still a Sociology major, studying Art History.
I was informed today that I would have to go talk to the department and that it is up to them whether I can declare the major or not. This is a problem for two reasons: 1. WHAT?! I have to be allowed to have a specific major. And, 2: What if, when I'm in the office pleading for acceptance, one of my professors walks in and sees that I'm a fraud! And lazy!
Oh! I have such trouble with my pride, and, obviously, so little reason to have any.
I called the office, but when the machine asked me to leave a message - to confess! - I couldn't do it, and hung up. Argh. I don't want to do this.
I can't think of any reason why the Art History department wouldn't let me in. None. I'm sure that is only an issue with specialized majors that have requirements and limits. I'm sure it's nothing at all to change my major... But why do I have to do it the Art History office? Where I might be recognized?! Recognized and made a fool of?!
Alright. I feel better, having voiced the ridiculousness of my fears and concerns.
Now I have to go to class and pretend I belong there.
Wish me luck!
1 comment:
You're doing great! Don't worry. This is small stuff.
Love, A Mom
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