I have been neglecting many of my duties this term. I'm not sure what is going on with me but as I told Tom last night, through many tears and noises of frustration, time is shooting by and I am doing so little of what I want to and what I need to.
As far as school goes I am vaguely aware that the lack of challenging classes is making me lazy. But I can't understand why I am failing to function well in the rest of my life. There was a time, not so long ago - last summer in fact - when I felt a sense of accomplishment at the end of every day. I was regularly volunteering, working on projects at home, planning meals and keeping up on housework. Last term I was at least fighting to survive my classes and juggle them with planning and shopping and trips and sicknesses. This term everything is too easy and thereby so much harder!
Today was supposed to be different. Today I was going to be motivated! I was so upset last night thinking of the huge pile of laundry keep putting off, and the drivers license I have to renew before my birthday (in 11 days), the two papers I need to write this term and the fact that it is somehow already the seventh week of the a ten-week term. Not to mention all of the other little errands that I am not looking forward to. And my foolishness. That I keep looking inward, inward all the time to my poor, pathetic self and being filled with useless pity.
I keep saying I need a fire lit under my butt, but that's not where I need it. The fire in my heart is dwindling. I do not feel the vitality and passion of a life of obedience.
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