Day thirty: final day

This is a picture of a picture of me and someone I miss:

My cousin, Claire.

I miss all my family, even Tom; I never see him as much as I really want to. But I miss Claire with a painful longing. Claire has down syndrome, and growing up this was no problem. We saw each other every summer and sometimes in between. We both lived in California then and our visits were a matter of course, we didn't have to think about it, we were just there, together.

Now, there is no assurance when we might see each other. With one thing and another I can never afford to fly to San Diego, and she, as always, has difficulty travelling. I can't pick up the phone and connect with her. I never know what to send her for her birthday or anytime. I don't know what she likes or what she has. She's so far away in so many ways.

And sometimes I night I lay in bed and think about her and miss her so much I can hardly bear it. Not only because I haven't see her in years but because she always feels a million miles away.

But I know when I do see her she will be happy to see me. And I hope she doesn't miss me as much as I miss her.

And I should stop writing about this because today is not a good day to dwell on anything sad. So I will think about all that I love about Claire, which is a lot. And I will remember that she's not really that far away.