He was so thin the first time we has a 3D image of him. I started thinking he was going to be a thin baby - like I was, and Tom has a long body type. But we learned at 32 weeks that he is, in fact, not thin. That his weight was well ahead of his peers. That his head and overall size were measuring in the 70-some percentile and his belly was measuring in the 90's. As you can see in the picture he has lost his alien-like delicacy and grown some hefty cheeks. I just adore him. It took me a while to shift my mental image of him but now that I can feel whole limbs squirming under my hands I realize just how big and solid he is and I can imagine a much sturdier boy, like the one in this picture.
Tom's mom mentioned for the first time at the shower that Tom takes after his paternal grandmother's father. A dutchman, I believe, named Mr. Smith. I found this very interesting as I had said about our first pictures of Cal that he looked like Tom's half brother Robbie, and that Robbie takes after their Grandma Mattson: a wide-smiling, wide-nosed, fair, thin woman with large, wide-set eyes and a bit of an overbite (so I've seen in pictures). I noticed the bite first. Tom has a quite perfectly proportioned bite and mine veers towards under. I've never seen a picture of Tom's great-grandfather but now I'm dying to.
As long as Tom is there, and Cal and I are safe, I know I will be fine.
35 weeks. Oh my goodness. This is happening so soon.
I have a cold. I've had it for over a week now, which is unusual for me. I don't stay sick long. The problem is that I'm not sleeping well, and so I can't seem to shake it. Today I slept through the night (more or less) and slept past 10, finally! The other night I slept for 2 and half hours. That was a record low for me and was so incredibly terrible. Rest and relaxation really need to be more of a focus for me now, I know, but there is still so much I want to get done.
Breathe.
Tom's just about finished painting the dresser green and is moving on soon to the crib (a tan color). I am doing laundry and laundry and laundry, as clothes are coming in by the garbage-bag full. I'm washing them, sorting them and (finally!) putting some away or sending them right back out again. I'm also doing a lot of sitting and eating. Calvin is a good influence in this area of my life. I am still tempted by sugar and salt and others are eager to feed me terribly (which makes me look and feel awful!) but Cal loves the finer things. He is still after milk like a champ though I've been depriving him due to my cold. He wants fat, wet blobs of mozzarella; full glasses of whole milk; cheddar on apples and crackers; ice cream, yogurt, kefir; coffee-laced mugs of cream and butter. I've been indulging his specific fruit cravings in light of the milk fast (which only means I don't drink much milk from midday on so that I can try to breathe through my nose at night). Calvin's been getting more raspberries and lots and lots of apple juice water: his favorite! Chocolate and oranges are out for the most part - too many bad bouts of heartburn - but I think I like those more than he does anyway. Fresh-baked bread is a new craving and cherry tomatoes and almonds. We like pesto more than tomato sauce now (heartburn related, I'm sure) and fish over any other meat.
I'm going to cut my hair today, I think. I've been advised against making this decision while pregnant but it's a big, damaged mess and I'm not cutting off much anyway.
Tom and I bought the exact crib mattress he most wanted yesterday for half-off. He was almost giddy and I was so glad. We decided to replace the crib mattress we were given by my sister because it was a bit squishy and a little ill-fitting. I was sure I would be like the mother in Terms of Endearment and none of us would ever get any sleep. I knew an inordinately firm mattress would be worth every penny in the grand crazy-minded, sleep-deprived mother scheme of things.
Other things about now:
I am sick of the sight of my baby books and want to pack them away.
I can't make a decision about anything.
My doctor wanted me to make an appointment for this week but I'm too sick and I'll see him on Monday when I'll be swabbed for Group B Strep.
All the hospital tours are filled up so Tom and I will see it when we see it and I really don't care.
Some folks we met recently and briefly at church have given us a car-load of baby things including a second stroller/car seat set.
I don't know when my mother's coming into town.
I haven't had any Braxton Hicks and I feel Cal's more likely to come late than early. It just seems his way. Or maybe it's wishful thinking. I'm in no hurry, it's speeding by as it is. We'll see.
I'm considering preparing and freezing food but I'm terrible about food-planning and cooking in large amounts.
My sisters keep sending me gifts. They are wonderful.
Tom and I have months of Sunday School lessons and crafts to prepare and I keep forgetting about them.
I think I have a few stretch marks but can't really see. My doctor complements my skin every visit though and it's become a point of pride.
My facial skin is less so a point of pride thanks to hormones and this cold.
Max and I are getting closer again lately. I took him on a walk once and I know he loves having someone home.
I'm 28. I turned 28 on February 28th. Tom is 29. He is beautiful. He has so much to do everyday. He worries he's not doing a good job. I told him I don't think it's possible to do a good job with everything right now and not to worry. I hope he understands and relaxes and enjoys this time.
I want to throw everything out, and maybe I should. Maybe I will today. Tom keeps everything but is good at cleaning up efficiently. I choose to own very little but am a clutterer. This has always manifested itself in a wild house that stresses us both out for different reasons. I want to pare down for Cal's arrival.
My back hurts. Now and often. But not too badly.
This cold is frustrating.
I can't believe my life.
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