Tom and This again? (Why yes, what did you expect?)

I could have slept forever this morning - I think Tom and I might be fighting something off, something evil, considering this is the start of an exam-time in my life and the start of months of really hard, long hours in his.

Spring has sprung and I have to get used to the idea of seeing him very little (and very tired) until around January. Really.

My plans for mattress shopping or sorting through his clothes (weeding out the too-short pants and too-short shirts he's always frustrated with) are becoming distant dreams. I'm trying to figure out now how I can do them on my own.

Yesterday he was so tired and so at the end of his emotional tether, already. I am grateful for my full schedule of school, yoga, housework and bible study to keep my occupied instead of pining away. I've learned the hard way over almost 3 years that I need to acclimate to flying solo or I'll be a wreck, without a life. I never wanted to do anything without Tom, but I have to. Going to a all-women's something, or a class, or working on the house while I sing to musicals or mystical, girly music are among my best options - they're things Tom can't be there for anyway, so I miss him less.

The hardest thing to handle is going somewhere where everybody misses Tom. Having a million people ask me, "Where's Tom?" And wanting to answer, "Work! Where do you think?!" (or "Cabo, he just needed some time without me," or "I don't know, but wherever it is I'm sure he's having a complete emotional and psychological break-down from lack of sleep and control over his life. If I see him I'll tell him you say hi!") (That last one maybe I have said before.)

Seeing the looks of disappointment on their faces is even worse. It makes me want to do an about-face and walk right out the door and back to my apartment to curl up in self-pity.

"I miss him more than you do."

But I can't make it through with self-pity. I've tried and I've failed. I need the supernatural strength of God to make me strong for Tom, for his friends and family and for me (because God knows I miss him).

My hope for this year is that everyone will get on the same page about what is happening with Tom. We can all make it through together! Are ya with me?

Eh, you're probably not. But that's ok. It's hard to understand, to fathom, what we go through. I know because it is hard for me to understand what you go through, what your day-to-day is.

And I'm very caught up in my own.

Forgive me. And help me! I'll try to help you.